The Living Room of My Heart

Once upon a time, not that long ago, my husband and I never had people over to our house - and we never were invited over to anyone else's house.  We weren't anti-social, we weren't upset about this fact... we just didn't really have a lot of friends... And in my mind, our house and our lives were never clean and tidy enough to even remotely consider inviting someone over.

And then something happened... we experienced a tragedy and we hit rock bottom.  As we sat drowning in that deep dark pit, God sent a few people our direction.  Bless their hearts, they jumped down and joined us in our darkness, and extended a hand of friendship and support.

After years and years of being just fine being alone and not quite knowing how to respond - we finally extended out our hands in return and let them slowly start pulling us up, and out, and back into the sunlight of God's grace and healing.  It was honestly something we had never experienced or imagined.  It was absolutely life transformational.

In all those fresh friendships and growing relationships, I slowly started allowing others in.  I soon started to discover the joy that was just waiting for me on the other side of that great big wall I had built around me and had so valiantly protected all those years.

It started on the corners and docks of the campground at the lake, and soon moved to the decks, picnic tables, and fire pits of our camper homes.  We were loved, we were accepted just as we were, and we were allowed to grieve, heal, and grow.  And then camping season was over, and I found the same spirit snuck home with us and joined us in our living room.

The spirit of community came to reside deep in the living room of my heart.

I stopped worrying about hiding the mess of my life inside the mess of my house, and started trying to really see, touch on, speak into, walk well beside others, while allowing them to also witness, walk, and step inside my mess.

Our house is not perfect, our house is not clean... it is where we live, and love, and experience our life, and Lord knows that is all far from perfect.  But it is now also where we have opened the doors to both the living room of our home and the living room of our hearts, and started safely and warmly welcoming others in.

I have discovered the gift of intentionality and vulnerability, and I've mixed that with a good cup of coffee and an open invitation to many people recently.  I have found myself nestled in my comfy chair, in front of our new amazing fireplace, being blessed and encouraged to talk and walk deeper and closer with many old and new friends.  The stories, the honesty, the revelations, the questions, the epiphanies, the love, the tears I've shared recently have also made me feel so loved in return.

I pray I have become a safe, warm, inviting place to come say hello, process, sort, laugh, cry, be real, be vulnerable, be seen, be heard, be encouraged.

I've gotten to talk about our loss, our journey, my faith, our adoption, my divorce and our life as a blended family.  I've gotten to be open about my eating disorder, my health and exercise, my running and weight loss journey.  I am loving, listening, encouraging... and I am receiving it all back to myself tenfold, if not more.

Oh what a glorious gift community and hospitality can be!

At times it's hard and scary to choose to be open and honest, trusting the path and people God has woven and waiting for you. We need others and others need us.  It's such a powerful and basic life principal. Friendships and mentoring opportunities take time, take investment, take emotional fortitude, and sometimes take great risk.  I've chosen to just be open, honest, real, and all out there. I fully trust those conversations and relationships will not come back to hurt me.  I've also come to realize some people may only come and stay for a season, while some may come and stay for the rest of our lifetimes.  Each and every one a part of a much larger picture and connection, both within my life and within theirs.

I am blown away over and over again by how incredible it feels knowing God is at work in the midst of all our trials and pains and "junk"... He is also so clearly at work amid all the joys, and celebrations, and achievements.  It's in this crazy medley of highs and lows, goods and bads, mixed throughout all those closet to us, and all those watching us, and listening to us, and praying for us that confirm time and again that we are not alone.  We were not created to be alone.  God did not create us to put up walls and bitter barriers.  He created us to live in community. To live, to laugh, to love.  To heal, to forgive, to glorify.

My house was not created to be clean and orderly, and neither was my life. But it is my hope that in that mess and crazy chaotic disarray that I will continue to invite others in and invest in both them and myself through coffee, connection, conversation, and a commitment to trust that God will keep crossing the paths and journeys of all of us.  I don't question a connection, I just try embrace it.  When I hear the whisper of a name, when I randomly think about someone, I know that isn't random at all.  That is God weaving His magic.  I'm simply trying to learn to respond quicker and question less.

I am learning that I have no idea what everyone else is going through in their lives and in their journeys. We are all filled with hurts, trials, and troubles.  It is my prayer that all of us might be ever watchful and open to the moments and possibilities and people around us.

May we listen well and love even better. May we embrace our hot messes and figure out how to sparkle and shine and grow and encourage ourselves and others.  May we figure out the fine line of finesse as we dance within boundaries and relationships. May we all strive to give more and expect less in return, for I have learned it's exactly in those moments that I have received the most and greatest gifts back in return.

May the living rooms in all of our hearts be full.  May they be warm, welcoming, and always filled with a robust joy overflowing.

{click HERE for my next blog, "When You're Not Enough"} 
{Click HERE for my previous blog, "Cleaning Our Junk Drawers"}