"So let the sun shine in... face it with a grin... open up your heart and let the sunnnn shineeee innnn."
This is the song that has been playing in the my head the last two days. Over and over and over... and it makes me smile every time it starts playing. It's been a while since I've smiled.
I live it Iowa, and it's winter, and we haven't had a lot of sun or warmth in a while. So much snow and so much cold... and my personal outlook was starting to feel about as cold and stark and bleak as the weather outside.
And then yesterday... the sun came out, the temperatures rose just a little, and there was almost the hint of spring in the air. There was some melting snow trickling down the street curbs, and the sun honestly I think touched a part of my very soul. I found myself sitting with eyes closed at my desk, just sitting in the sun, soaking in the blinding rays, and as I sat there silent and still, I heard the words whispered through an exhale "Oh this sun is good for my soul..."
I've been a little on the down and out, a little on the life is heavy side of things lately. I know it, I'm aware of it, I've tried to just own it and embrace it. I've tried to just keep muddling through it, attempting to just hold on as hard as I can for as long as I can. I was quickly fading fast, my endurance and my strength screaming their resistance to me.
I am officially down to my last week of half marathon training before my run next Saturday morning. Today was that blessed eight mile "easy" run after three weeks in a row of double digit long runs. I admit, I'm laughing out loud at myself as I write this... who am I trying to kid, I am not a runner, and what non-runner gets joy in getting an "easy" training day that is "only" a "short" eight miles?!? ~LOL. And perhaps on a more serious note, I do think at some point I do need to own up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, I am in fact, a "real runner." I have denied this year after year after year... but maybe one of these days I'm going to have to swallow my insecurities and my excuses and just call myself a runner. (Maybe next week I'll take on that inner battle once and for all ~wink.)
I'm starting to get a little nervous, a tiny bit excited, and just a little anxious. Am I ready? Will I be able to make it the entire distance? Will the pain in my feet become more than I can bare before I reach the finish? My weight is not where I want it to be a week before a race, but I guess it is what it is. The heaviness and obsessive overwhelm has finally started to lift a little, that glorious sunshine melting it away perhaps.
My heart is still pumping, my body is still alive and well, my legs are still able to run, and Lord willing I will add another number to my life next week.
And I plan to celebrate that, and I will try keep those obsessive demons of failure from breathing their poison and lies into my mind this week. I am going to attempt to push myself for those hard and horrible 13.1 miles, and in the end, who really cares (except myself) that I might be dragging along six extra pounds across the finish line?
Today I stand in the sun, today I breathe deep the breath I've been given for another day, today I celebrate the gift of the promise of spring, of warmth, of tomorrows.
"So let the sun shine in... face it with a grin... open up your heart and let your loveeee shineeee innnn."
{ Previous blog post "Today" HERE }
{ Next blog post "The Eve of another Half Marathon" HERE }
I am officially down to my last week of half marathon training before my run next Saturday morning. Today was that blessed eight mile "easy" run after three weeks in a row of double digit long runs. I admit, I'm laughing out loud at myself as I write this... who am I trying to kid, I am not a runner, and what non-runner gets joy in getting an "easy" training day that is "only" a "short" eight miles?!? ~LOL. And perhaps on a more serious note, I do think at some point I do need to own up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, I am in fact, a "real runner." I have denied this year after year after year... but maybe one of these days I'm going to have to swallow my insecurities and my excuses and just call myself a runner. (Maybe next week I'll take on that inner battle once and for all ~wink.)
I'm starting to get a little nervous, a tiny bit excited, and just a little anxious. Am I ready? Will I be able to make it the entire distance? Will the pain in my feet become more than I can bare before I reach the finish? My weight is not where I want it to be a week before a race, but I guess it is what it is. The heaviness and obsessive overwhelm has finally started to lift a little, that glorious sunshine melting it away perhaps.
My heart is still pumping, my body is still alive and well, my legs are still able to run, and Lord willing I will add another number to my life next week.
And I plan to celebrate that, and I will try keep those obsessive demons of failure from breathing their poison and lies into my mind this week. I am going to attempt to push myself for those hard and horrible 13.1 miles, and in the end, who really cares (except myself) that I might be dragging along six extra pounds across the finish line?
Today I stand in the sun, today I breathe deep the breath I've been given for another day, today I celebrate the gift of the promise of spring, of warmth, of tomorrows.
"So let the sun shine in... face it with a grin... open up your heart and let your loveeee shineeee innnn."
{ Previous blog post "Today" HERE }
{ Next blog post "The Eve of another Half Marathon" HERE }
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