Yes, I have arrived at the eve of yet another half marathon. I've had this one on my calendar since October, and have been officially training for it for the past three months. It seemed so far away... and now here it almost is. 24 hours away. 24 hours.
Am I ready? Will I be able to finish? Will I be able to complete the whole distance without stopping? What if I can't finish? What if I DNF? Maybe I better not even tell anyone I'm doing this, because then if I fail, no one will even need to know, it will be my own little secret of shame. What a minute - why am I even doing this?!? This is stupid, this is crazy, what was I thinking?!?
These are all things I'm thinking about today, the runaway thoughts of all the little butterflies fluttering within me. And yet, it doesn't really matter. None of it actually matters to anyone ... except myself. Whether I get up tomorrow and do this or not is not going to make one difference to the rest of the world except myself.
Funny how that works. Within our minds we create and manifest our goals and personal expectations, often to a level we will never be able to actually achieve. We set the bar inside us for what our worth and value is. And we set that bar based on how we perceive the world and society around us, and how we think they are perceiving us. We set that bar based on what others are doing, what others have done, and what others haven't yet done yet in comparison to what we are doing, what we have done, and what we haven't yet done yet. We set that bar based on what's usually a false expectation of unattainable perfection. And we then proceed to nearly kill ourselves in it's endless pursuit. It can bring it to our greatest, and it can also bring it to our worst.
We watch the news, we get poisoned by the advertisements, we follow the social media avenues of false realities continually cutting us down in all our lack and shortcomings. Our mind is our own worst enemy, and the worlds most dangerous weapon.
Does anyone but me care that I didn't quite make my race day goal weight? Nope.
Does anyone but me care that I'm going to run a half marathon tomorrow morning, and with the weather we currently have in this glorious state of Iowa, I'm probably going to end up having to do it in my basement on a machine that isn't even going to move one inch? Nope.
Does it matter to anyone if I'm running 13.1 miles by myself or if I'm running alongside 8,000 other runners at the same time to "achieve" this accomplishment tomorrow? Nope.
Does anyone but me care that I didn't miss one single workout, not one single mile of my training? Nope. Nope and Nope.
Turn that around through and ask if I care? Oh me oh my, yes indeed. It's what drives me, motivates me, gets me up in the morning, keeps me up at night. It's what fires up the crazy and backfires again the sanity.
We set our goals, we dream our dreams, we chase our realities, we pray for our miracles, we bank on our hopes and fears of success vs failures - and we ourselves are the ones who ultimately write the definition of what exactly is considered our "successes" and what exactly is considered our "failures".
The whole thing really is a rather complex and interesting process and reality isn't it?!? We're each our own, and yet we are also all each directly integrated and woven into each other. We live, we love, we encourage, we walk beside, we hurt, we scar, we hinder both ourselves and others all along the way. We lift up, we let down. It's a mix and match of teamwork, and that of me, myself, and I. It's being totally giving, and totally selfish, somehow all at the same time.
It's what's a given. It's what's expected. It's what drives us to greatness. It's what drives us to worthiness. And it's what drives us to false worthlessness.
It's all merely a game, a perception yet a reality, a force that drives us, propels us, forces us, motivates us, moves us, and ultimately makes us each who we are. It's what gives us the words, the actions, the decisions, and definitions to our very own thoughts, beliefs, and identities, which in turn will affect and touch the lives of all those around us, who are also busy attempting to live a life being ultimately who they are.
So does what we are doing matter to the rest of the world? Nope.
Ok, yes - perhaps overall, the world as a whole, really isn't all that interested in what the rest of the world is doing... but what we do does matter to some. It does matter to those who are rooting us on, loving us, who are part of our tribe, the ones believing in us each and every day.
What we do does matter - and we need to continue to allow ourselves to let it matter. If it matters to me, if it matters to you, then it matters - and it's important and it's worth it. It's worth pursuing and persevering towards, no matter what the cost.
We need to stop listening to the mumbled drone of the world's overall lost photoshoped imperfect perfections and tune in to the clear voices within ourselves. We need to continue to listen to what our hearts and souls are driving us towards, listen to what our hopes and dreams are propelling us towards, listen to what our bodies are asking us to do... and then... let it matter.
Live fully the life we have been given, live to be the greatest and best you you can be, and live to help everyone else live to be their greatest and their best they can be.
Let it matter. Let yourself matter. Let your dreams matter. Find your tribe - find those who love you and root you on and listen to their love and hang on to their support.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~Hebrews 12:1-3
{ Previous Blog Post "So Let The Sun Shine In" HERE }
No comments:
Post a Comment