~~~ Flashback Post ~~~
Planning the Unplannable (March 17, 2015)
I am a planner, a do-er, a type A “get-it-done” type person.
I’ve struggled all my life with impatience and carry around a perfection complex, both within myself and for those around me. Ugh.
So here we are… out-of-control and completely out of our element. This is foreign territory all the way around, and I am not impressed with the empty timeline wagging it’s finger in front of me.
I want to start filling in all the dates, making the plans, ensuring the future months, as I always do this time of year. I fill my cake calendar as full as I can with a plethora of orders, monopolizing on this cake-crazy season of graduation and first communions and padding our finances to help get us through the summer getaways. This year I have allowed myself to pencil in only three orders per weekend through June, and am skirting around replying to those requesting summer reservations. I, in all honestly, want to take the entire summer off from cakes. But I kind of feel like I can’t justify that unless I know for sure how much longer all “this” will go. Ridiculous really. I need to allow myself to be closed, and be ok with it, and trust in the provision I know God is capable of providing. I just think it will be easier (and a whole lot harder) if I can give the general public and honest answer as to “why…” You know, play “the family health issues card” using the excuse of the current hand God has dealt us as the excuse and scapegoat.
I want to know our weekends will be filled with camping, that there will be sunsets and sunrises over peaceful bodies of water in my future this summer. Photos taken to fill photo albums with nature and fun family activities. I want to start my vacation packing lists and designate a box or two downstairs to start gathering a few weekly grocery purchases in as to soften the financial blow the week before we are schedule to depart for two weeks away, like we do every year.
But this year is not like every year. This summer is on hold, and unplannable. But that doesn’t take away the hoping and the longing for all those favorites and things we’ve grown to hold near and dear to us. And we know we’re going to need to heal. At some point this will be over and we will need to escape and heal, as individuals, and as a family. And for our family, the Lord has always given those lake and nature getaways a special place of rest and rebirth to each of our souls.
We also have a desire to escape the walls of our house right now, and we have a summer weekend reality that is also different due to my change in job responsibility over the winter. I transitioned from part time to full time work at a church, and while I’m sure I can miss a few Sunday’s, I won’t be able to take three full months of weekends off like I’ve done in the past. And that’s ok, I want to be able to come back, to help, and worship and share Sunday’s mornings through the summer.
Combine all the above with unseasonable summer-like temperatures in the middle of March, and we were itching to start planning.
We actually pounced on a social media swap post last weekend, and on total whim we went and looked at a small 1979, fully redone, fully furnished trailer house that was for sale at lake nearby. As we drove away, we both commented that if we went for it, we’d never regret it and would use the heck out of it… But there were enough negatives and hesitations, that we also wouldn’t cry in our cheerios over the lost opportunity. Interestingly enough, we didn’t even decide to put in an offer or call the bank. I did pray about it, because I was quite unsettled about it ~ torn between the tug of taking the next step to our lake house dreams, and taking on a financial burden I knew we really shouldn’t even be considering.
And then my husband had taken another avenue with an idea we’d also talked about, and had found another opportunity. A possibility of a permanent campsite, at a lake I had never been at, about an hour away. And it came with the opportunity to reserve the spot again the following summer if you’d choose. The thought of not having to pack, hook up, pull, park, set up, pack up, hook up, haul home, re-part, and unpack weekend after weekend just sounded glorious. It would open up opportunity to come and go separately with little burden upon the other spouse. It would give us freedom to have all holiday’s reserved, no checkout times, and a chance to grow in a set community of other campers around us. And the price was actually already within our budget plan.
A few days later we piled in the van after work and headed north. The standard cool temperatures of March had returned as we bundled up to walk around and get the tour. The ice was just coming off the lake, and we were quickly sold and excited. We picked a spot that looked to be the best of the few still available, and after much casual and fun conversation with the owner showing us around, we left our deposit and drove off excited about the new opportunity.
While I fully realize this summer might still be an absolute nightmare, and that we have no idea any timeframe or outcome of anything, and we still haven’t made any final decisions on our big two week yearly vacation to the cabin… I take great comfort in this one little set plan, even if it doesn’t end up panning out as perfectly as I hope. Even if this year we don’t get full use of the spot and the camper, I know we can rebook at the end of September and plan all winter to do it again next summer. Not that we have any idea what might be going on by then, having the plan in place brings me peace, and a tiny bit of hope for a somewhat “normal” summer.
And the fact there’s a hospital roughly ten miles away, probably brings me the most comfort of all right now.
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