Going Public

{ Missed the previous posts to our Journey To Faith story?  Start HERE. }

~~~Flashback Post~~~
Going Public (March 28, 2015)

We left the funeral home absolutely exhausted, completely emotionally spent, but we had one more ginormous task to still hurdle.  We had to tell our six year old son.

We drove out to my parents house to pick up him up.  He thought we were still off on an anniversary vacation, although I'm sure he knew something was going on because my parents had to have been distraught and understandably upset as they grieved for both our pain and the loss of their only granddaughter as the details and information came in from us from the hospital.

The details of having to try explain a hidden pregnancy (a biological pregnancy at that), a life, and a loss of a sister to a six year old little boy, who had been adopted, and whose little life had started and grown in the womb of another woman, is beyond imagination.  There are no words to have to describe that reality.  I'm sure we said and did all the wrong things, I'm sure he will end up in therapy for years to come, but at the time, we did what we felt was right.  We said what we felt was appropriate for the delicate and intense state of his little life and inner-workings.

We later arrived home, and received word from the funeral home that the obituary was going to be published on their website shortly.

It was time.  It was time to finally open our hearts, and our pain, and publically share the present reality of our story. We knew there are people that visit the funeral home website daily, just to be nosey and see who has recently died, and we knew we wanted to be the first one to share about her.  We didn't want some random funeral home website stalker to be the first to see, to ask us, to comment, to share...

But... the internet was down!  We had been having all sorts of issues with the local internet provider the last several months, and of all the days, and all the times, there we were ~ unable to connect, unable to email the necessary details to our friends and family, unable to log on to social media and publicly share.  I was already dangerously teetering on the edge, and that just about sent me over the edge of all rational sanity.   In time, we would finally get on, and posted the following on social media:

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"On Friday, March 27, our precious little daughter, Faith MaryJo, was born. She was 18 weeks and had been diagnosed earlier in the pregnancy with Trisomy 18, a rare chromosomal condition. Our little miracle was born sleeping and already safe and healed in the arms of Jesus. It has been an incredibly long journey that has been entirely far too short at the same time. We grieve this loss with an intensity I've not felt before, and take great comfort in the promise of eternity in Heaven. Our families thank you for your prayers and understanding as we mourn and heal.  Brian and Sara Crane"

And then we linked her obituary.

Obituary for Faith Crane

Faith MaryJo Crane, daughter of Brian Russell and Sara Lee (Oldenkamp) Crane, of Orange City, was stillborn on Friday, March 27, 2015, at Sanford Health in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

There will be a family graveside service on Tuesday, March 31, at the West Lawn Cemetery in Orange City. The Rev. Jonathan Opgenorth will officiate. Arrangements are with the Oolman Funeral Home in Orange City.

In addition to her parents, she is survived by two brothers, Bailey Goebel and Isaiah Crane, both at home; grandparents, Kenneth and Mary Oldenkamp, of Alton; Jolene Crane, of Rock Rapids; and Steve and Debbie Crane, of Rock Rapids; uncles, aunts, and cousins, Derek and Karalee Oldenkamp, with son Kennick, of Glasgow, Kentucky; and Rachel Crane, with daughter Jordyn, of Sioux Falls.

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The next morning in church, it would be announced from the pulpit.  We watched and cried along with them via the livestream of it from our home.  The thought of venturing into public still unbearable and unthinkable.  There was so much to share, so much to say, and yet all we wanted to do was be alone, to sleep, to hide, to hurt privately...  But that's what we had already been doing the entire time... Now it was time to figure out what to say, and what to do, and bravely figure out how to look the public in the eye and grieve and mourn openly.

{ click HERE for our next journal entry"The Funeral" } 
{ click HERE for our previous journal entry "Funeral Details" }