I have a "word of the day" notebook. Every day I try grab a word that grabs me. I write it down, the date, who said it, and general definition. It's a great little thing to flip through and add on to.
Reading and writing is one of my healing and filling soul care salves. I love book recommendations. I love UPS amazon packages that arrive containing books... books that are still pure and virginal. They are mine to underline in, write in the margins in, read and re-read, cross reference, book study in, discuss over coffee. There are lots of digital reading options these days, but I still love the good old fashion joy of owning and reading an actual book, turning each physical page, underlining with the lead of an actual pencil.
At this current moment I only read and write non-fiction. I fill up and pour into religious based self-help books. Shauna Niequest. Ann Voskamp. Brene Brown. Jen Hatmaker. Lysa Terkerst, John Maxwell. Rebeckah Lyons. Bob Goff. Sheila Walsh. Judah Smith...
My current personal writing right now, well it's just this tiny little blog with some fairly big feelings and even bigger vulnerabilities. I write what I feel, I write what I see from the inside looking out. I listen, I love, I hurt, I question. And to be honest, I don't even know if there's anyone even reading it, and most days I'm not quite sure why I'm even writing and publishing on it. But even if there is only an audience of one, and that one is little ol' me, I'm fairly certain I would still continue on... it's one of those things that just... well... make me happy.
I do dream of someday getting the luxury of actually being a "real writer"... you know someone who gets to just write for a living, and not worry if what they are writing is even what anyone wants to read. I just honestly just want to sit with my coffee and my laptop on a deck, over a body of water during sunrise and sunset every day, filling the hours in between just typing my little heart out. I have an idea for a book... but that is something right now I cannot even remotely let myself consider entertaining the thought to start.
Working full time and family full time, for me anyway, I know wouldn't mix well with being a "real writer"... Funny ~ I write almost daily, but I don't consider myself a "real writer" and I run almost every day, but I also don't consider myself a "real runner." What an odd reality issue I seem to have. I can't help but wonder why exactly that is.
I've touched on this earlier in some of my writing, but why is it we seem to often let society at large be the ones to define who we "really" are, what our "actual" successes, accomplishments, and worth are actually measured up to? Even though the factual reality is that society at large, isn't actually doing any of that - society at large is merely a bold, blurry, mistruth that we make up inside ourselves as we look from inside out... out into the big scary world of messy and mediocrity and false facades.
How much of what we splash out there on social media about ourselves is actually a true representation of who we really, really are? Who our family's really, really are? If we're not being completely honest in what we're sharing, I'm fairly certain everyone else is probably doing the exact same thing as well.
So why?!? Why the games, why the comparisons, why the half lies and justifications?
Why is it in one hand we don't dare share the full truth about ourselves because of what others might think - needing to twist it, tweak it, color correct it to be as perfect in appearance as possible - and yet on the other hand, we also tell ourselves we aren't actually supposed to publicly admit when we're healthy... when we're happy... when we're gloriously messy because we also don't want others to actually think we might in-fact have it all together. We lie and cover up areas that we feel are "less than"... and we hide or don't share at all about areas we feel we are "more than".
Is this an everyone thing - or is this just a me thing?
Am I the only one desperately longing for absolute authenticity and life hospitality? Am I the only one drowning in a now identified sea of self inflicted lies, selfishness, and self help failures and successes? Someone else, please take a stand with me... let's just all take a stand to be real, just be honest, to just be seen and heard in a filter free life.
Dare to be. Dare to share. Dare to live. Dare to love. Dare to fail. Dare to hurt. Dare to answer the whisper within. Dare to believe in yourself, that you can move mountains and you are worth whatever it takes to be real, to be brave, to be daring, to be successful in your own eyes.
Dare to embrace your mess and find voice for your words.
Use your words to be the ray of light to the world. Use your words to share your story, use your words to fill the empty pages of your life. Whether you read them, write them, say them, ink them, think them... just use your words to make a positive difference in this far too negative day and age..."
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