Birth Order

The other day I was posting something on social media. I typed, added a few hashtags, published, and popped back on occasionally to see what kind of response I was getting.

"My deep thinking youngest child just said to me “so, you are almost 42 years old... so you are basically 6x7 years old…" hilarious #mathamaticianinthemaking #neverknowwhathewillthinkofnext #complex8yearoldmind"

And then I actually stopped and looked at it. You know, in reality, he’s actually our middle child. So I hit "edit" and updated my status from "youngest child" to "middle child."

And then I started to overthink it all, worrying about what other people might be thinking. I wondered what other families have done, and what society approves as "socially correct" in this kind of “situation”. So I hit "edit" yet again and just took it out entirely. I replaced it with a safe "Our deep thinking 8 year old just said…" Ugh.

But I kept thinking about it… He really is our middle child. She really was our youngest child. She just isn't here anymore. So how does that work, how practically do we address that, and how much will this actually play a roll in our family’s lives? I do not want to gloss over the loss of a daughter and a sister, but I don't want to manifest on it either. I feel there is a fine line there, and it’s one of those tricky roads straddled between society and personal outlooks.

I have done some reading and research on birth order in the past and have found it all quite intriguing. It's a wonderfully complex way of looking at personality and relationship dynamics and natural tendencies, sometimes due to nature and sometimes due to nurture.

This is the deep stuff I honestly think about and love trying to wrap my mind around…

I am an oldest child, and as I initially looked into the concept of birth order more, I realized (in their theory anyway) what I do and why I am the way I am has been strongly influenced by my own birth order within my family growing up. And, my parents parented my brother and I within the realms of their birth orders and personalities from their childhoods and parents parenting (cue in past generations on repeat…) And now, I have stepped into the intricacies of yet another family, which needs to mix and mesh with the other people and personalities of similar and different birth orders within what is now my immediate family. Add a few layers of divorce, adoption, and a few other related variables, and it just makes for an amazing mixing pot of crazy. (And Lord willing, no one will ever need a kidney!)

Oh dear… did I lose anyone there, or are we still all tracking on the same channel? Do I hear the faint chirp or crickets and see that slight head tilt of the deer-in-headlights starring back at me?

Basically, in a nut shell, we are internally wired and affected by our birth order. Beyond the physical, factual order in which we are born into our families, we are also affected by the amount of years between siblings, and the number of siblings above or below us, and all of those factors in turn play a roll in our psychological development. If you’d like to dive in further - click HERE for my book review on First Born Advantage by Kevin Leman... :-).

So I've continued to think about it, because I just know this is something our son will someday also think about (if he hasn’t already…).  That is just the way his complex little mind is also wired. I promise you, he’ll go there… and if I haven’t attempted to mentally venture there before him and try figure it out, well… let’s just say I have learned it’s just always best if I try at least be somewhat prepared with some sort of quick answer for that little back seat deep thinker of ours…

He really is our middle child. She really was our youngest child.

So basically, he's our youngest middle child.

And maybe that, right there, is my answer!

We need to just start using not one adjective, but two, when explaining and addressing our family's birth order and story. And Lord knows, that youngest middle child of ours has definitely got the required spunk and depth to fully live into a double adjective life!

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