Faith... The Key To It All

I have spent a lot of time trying to find the words for this post.

Faith... The key to it all.  It's so short and simple, and yet so complex and incredibly divine.

I was recently at a business I am rarely at. As I was briefly waiting, I looked over to a small wall of clothing and accessories they had for sale, and I saw it. This beautiful key necklace with the five letters FAITH firmly stamped into the hard metal.

It stopped me completely, took my breath away entirely, opened the eyes of my soul instantly.

That was it, the black and white reality that FAITH is the key to it all.

The dictionary defines Faith as:

- Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension [anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen / understanding; grasp] rather than proof.
- A complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

FAITH. My whole life I have carried a strong belief in God - but it took the life and loss of our daughter Faith to finally be the key to fully finding my absolute trust AND confidence in God. FAITH.

My "spiritual apprehension" happened, that fear of something bad or unpleasant happening happened.  And in that bad and unpleasant, I was finally able to start taking down my walls of fear and completely trust, with confidence, the journey God has me on.  I am finally starting to find unquestioning confidence in His grace, His forgiveness, and His love for me.

It took losing it all (or at the time what I felt like was losing it all) for me to actually find it all.  God chose to orchestrate the life and loss of our Faith MaryJo to be the thing that would ultimately both drive me as far from Him as I've ever been, and also return me and drive me closer to Him than I've ever been.  It's a humbling juxtaposition.

All that heartache, all that fear, all that sorrow was actually the key that would start unlocking the door to my heart, my mind, my soul.  I am starting to realize now, over two years later, that that was one of those necessary events to start the wake up call needed to slowly start changing my life and my relationships with myself, with others, and with God Himself. 

Of course I haven't completely "arrived" yet. Of course I still question the why's and what's of the things that happen to me.  Of course I'm no where close to fully loving and accepting my perfectly imperfect self.  I still fail multiple times every single day... every single hour... but I do believe the door of understanding, awareness, and acceptance has been unlocked.

While all those tears, and all those bitter and angry thoughts and words were escaping out that unlocked door over the last two years as I've mourned and processed the reality of my loss... I have also come to realize that many many things were also entering into that unlocked door.  Good things, hard things, real things, God things.  The door has remained unlocked and I am continuing to both release and welcome many things.

The spiritual FAITH I have come to cling to, thanks to the help of our FAITH MARYJO, has been the key to finding truth, finding acceptance, finding grace, finding forgiveness, finding love, finding awareness, finding connection.  The key to finding me, finding others, finding God.

Why did I leave the door to myself closed and locked for so long?  Why did it take something so hard and so sad to finally be the necessary key to it all?  Of course I don't know these answers, but I do know this newly unlocked door is helping me find gratitude in my heartache.  Helping me find joy in my sorrow.  Helping me find peace in my anxiety. Helping me find the answers to my questions. Helping me find hope in my fear.

I'm coming to FAITH, coming to simply trust fully without the proof.

FAITH is enough.  It always has been, but it just took a very small child, who was never given life or breath on earth, to finally, simply, fully, lead me to the awareness and the acceptance of the magnitude and meaning of those five little letters. 

FAITH MARYJO was the key that is unlocking my ultimate FAITH in God.  And that FAITH in God was the key that unlocking the ultimate gift of love and acceptance of myself and my life.  And for that, I am grateful.

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