This is the sixth time I've sat in this waiting room while family and friends have undergone surgery.
The last time I spent three days and two nights sleeping on this exact couch while my husband underwent major back surgery from an unexpected accident. He would be off work recovering for months. I remember my tears as I witnessed his pain. I remember my emotional fatigue as the reality of it all took its toll. We journeyed through that season and weathered that storm...
I sit in the silence today and I ponder how to even process this all. How do I sit in the great wake between weakness and wonder. The middle ground between the blessing and the beast of burden.
I am fully aware how in the blink of an eye everything can change. In the blink of an eye everything we know can be altered in an instant, sometimes momentarily, sometimes forever.
In the blink of an eye you can receive a call from the emergency room... there's been an accident...
In the blink of an eye you can unexpectedly fall or get injured, breaking bones, tearing muscles or joints and suddenly changing immediate and longer term plans, schedules, jobs, and dreams.
In the blink of an eye you can lose your spouse of 54 years.
I sit in the silence today and I ponder how to even process this all. How do I sit in the great wake between weakness and wonder. The middle ground between the blessing and the beast of burden.
I am fully aware how in the blink of an eye everything can change. In the blink of an eye everything we know can be altered in an instant, sometimes momentarily, sometimes forever.
In the blink of an eye you can receive a call from the emergency room... there's been an accident...
In the blink of an eye you can unexpectedly fall or get injured, breaking bones, tearing muscles or joints and suddenly changing immediate and longer term plans, schedules, jobs, and dreams.
In the blink of an eye you can lose your spouse of 54 years.
In the blink of an eye you can suffer a spinal injury while swimming and become paralyzed, unable to ever walk again.
In the blink of an eye the phone can ring letting you know there is a baby that has just been born, and the birth mom has chosen your family. You are suddenly a family of four. Which also means there's a dear mama going home without her baby, because she choose you to be the mama instead...
In the blink of an eye your vehicle can break down leaving you with thousands of dollars of repairs and no way to cover them.
In the blink of an eye you can receive the diagnose, the phone call, the news, the cancer reality.
In the blink of an eye your house can burn and you could lose everything.
In the blink of an eye your beloved family pet could be lost in the fire that also is leaving you temporarily without a home and all your possessions.
In the blink of an eye you see a little miracle heartbeat on a dark tv screen for the first time.
In the blink of an eye you hear the words I’m sorry but there’s no heartbeat, that little miracle already gone. You are suddenly still a family of four.
All of these blinks have already happened to me or to someone close to me. And my question and angst sways back and forth between the awe and grace I grasp and my current awareness of what I know is my personal blessing right now, in this season of my life, and the heaviness and weight of the suffering and burdens of many of those closely around me right now. My heart aches for them and my heart also rains appreciation in my own life's current reprieve. I wait cautiously for when my turn will again return.
I'm again so drawn to the reality and awareness that we must not take one day, one moment of our lives for granted. We must not wish away these moments, we must not live our days without purpose, direction, and directed dreams.
We are not guaranteed tomorrow, I've said this over and over over the last two years of my life. I tell it over and over to myself. Over and over to anyone who goes into any kind of deep (or not so deep) conversation with me. I say the words and grasp the concept, but am I truly living out this reality?!? Is what I do and how I live really intentional enough to continue to wholly change me while quietly touching the lives of some around me.
Are we waking up and rejoicing over the gift of another day we've been given? Are we greeting the day asking what we can to make today great? Are we letting go of the anger and frustrations and bitterness that we can so easily harbor and so easily swallow and engulf and dim our greatness and our worthiness? Are we loving ourselves enough and seeing others and loving them enough?
In the blink of an eye the phone can ring letting you know there is a baby that has just been born, and the birth mom has chosen your family. You are suddenly a family of four. Which also means there's a dear mama going home without her baby, because she choose you to be the mama instead...
In the blink of an eye your vehicle can break down leaving you with thousands of dollars of repairs and no way to cover them.
In the blink of an eye you can receive the diagnose, the phone call, the news, the cancer reality.
In the blink of an eye your house can burn and you could lose everything.
In the blink of an eye your beloved family pet could be lost in the fire that also is leaving you temporarily without a home and all your possessions.
In the blink of an eye you see a little miracle heartbeat on a dark tv screen for the first time.
In the blink of an eye you hear the words I’m sorry but there’s no heartbeat, that little miracle already gone. You are suddenly still a family of four.
All of these blinks have already happened to me or to someone close to me. And my question and angst sways back and forth between the awe and grace I grasp and my current awareness of what I know is my personal blessing right now, in this season of my life, and the heaviness and weight of the suffering and burdens of many of those closely around me right now. My heart aches for them and my heart also rains appreciation in my own life's current reprieve. I wait cautiously for when my turn will again return.
I'm again so drawn to the reality and awareness that we must not take one day, one moment of our lives for granted. We must not wish away these moments, we must not live our days without purpose, direction, and directed dreams.
We are not guaranteed tomorrow, I've said this over and over over the last two years of my life. I tell it over and over to myself. Over and over to anyone who goes into any kind of deep (or not so deep) conversation with me. I say the words and grasp the concept, but am I truly living out this reality?!? Is what I do and how I live really intentional enough to continue to wholly change me while quietly touching the lives of some around me.
Are we waking up and rejoicing over the gift of another day we've been given? Are we greeting the day asking what we can to make today great? Are we letting go of the anger and frustrations and bitterness that we can so easily harbor and so easily swallow and engulf and dim our greatness and our worthiness? Are we loving ourselves enough and seeing others and loving them enough?
Are we present enough, grateful enough, happy enough, fully invested enough in the right nows?
Intentionality. One of my life's theme words. Authenticity. My second life's theme word.
I want to live every single day with intentionality and authenticity in everything I say and do. To myself, to my family, to God, to my friends, to the stranger in my midst. Life can change in the blink of an eye and it is my prayer I will grasp each moment with all the greatness and mightiness that God intended and hoped I would create and make of it.
Intentionality. One of my life's theme words. Authenticity. My second life's theme word.
I want to live every single day with intentionality and authenticity in everything I say and do. To myself, to my family, to God, to my friends, to the stranger in my midst. Life can change in the blink of an eye and it is my prayer I will grasp each moment with all the greatness and mightiness that God intended and hoped I would create and make of it.
I pray this for everyone. That we would look for the good, the great, the God, even in all the burdens, the bitterness, the brokenness. That we would not put off to tomorrow what we could be doing today. That we are not overcommitting and under living. That we are not settling for mediocrity, but striving for absolute greatness. That we live with pride, with purpose, with an intense intentionality that allows us to live fully and faithfully to our final day.
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