Not just a graceful little “stumble” - I’m talking a full-on body and ground collision like I haven’t experience in decades.
I honestly don’t even know what happened. I think I tripped on a crack in the road or something. One minute I was running, the next minute I was surging forward, barrel rolling, and somehow ending up with feet in the grass, back and butt over the curb, shoulders and head on the road. My behind-the-ear earbuds got knocked out of my ears and were laying on the ground next to me.
I quickly tried to get back up, of course looking around to see who might have witnessed this. Luckily, I saw no one. I slowly tried to put myself back together and examine all the damage. I hurt everywhere and my mind was still attempting to catch up to what had just happened.
It was 4:30 a.m. I was only two blocks from home, the sky was pitch black… and this had completely caught me by surprise.
I’ve been struggling with finding the inner desire and willpower to even continue my current training. Right now, I really really want to quit running, forever. Monday I was still at the lake, both Tuesday and Wednesday morning it was raining when I got up, and then yesterday morning, the first morning I finally convince myself to get up and get back out there again… I fall... and I fell hard.
I found myself all week continuing to try navigate all the “heavy” within me - all the negative, all the emotions, all the thoughts of quitting and failure whispering its lies to me. It’s been one thing after another, and I know that satan is trying his hardest to entangle me and wrap himself around my mind and body. It makes me frustrated, it makes me mad, it makes me want to weep.
He seems to be winning right now.
After a few minutes of gathering myself under the faint glow of a streetlight, and assessing the damage the concrete had left to my body, I was beyond grateful nothing seemed to be broken. My glasses hadn’t broken, I hadn’t hit my head, I know I had rolled over my arm that my iPhone was strapped onto (which I take out of it’s protective case while I run because of the stupid headphone jack) and was shocked to see it hadn’t cracked, and no bones were broken. My palms, knees, shoulders, hips were all sporting road rash and blood.
Lucky. So so lucky. I knew it, and I was grateful in that moment. I was still banged up, I was still hurt, I was still rattled. I was sure I’d be stiff and sore for days to come, but I was grateful.
I debated quitting the run and heading back. Heavens, I was only two blocks from home. I debated attempting to complete my initial training mission for the morning. I compromised somewhere in the middle. I wasn’t able to get in the entire distance I had hoped to complete, but I didn’t turn immediately around and head right home.
I did not give satan the satisfaction of completely winning.
I got home, my wounds and muscles starting to clearly scream at me through their pain and aches. I showered, assessed all the damage in full light, and bandaged myself up as best as I could. As I pulled open the outer bandage seals, and pulled off each half of the bandage to expose the adhesive, carefully applying it to my skin, to cover and protect the raw and vulnerable skin, I couldn’t help but think about how similar this moment was to real life.
How often aren’t we in a somewhat dark season, feeling alone on our journey, attempting to survive the moment, dutifully tying to put one foot in front of the other, just trying to reach a new destination, trying to reach a time of greater light and clarity, trying to find the gracefulness in our steps as we navigate the less than perfect conditions surrounding us. We’re out there in life, struggling, fighting it, surrounded by the hard and the dark, yet faithfully attempting to persevere, attempting to do that next right thing… only to be unexpectedly struck down, out-of-the-blue slammed down even further than you thought possible. It’s like getting blindsided during some of our darkest hours… as if the initial blackness of the circumstances aren’t heavy enough… something of of the blue attacks and decides to hold us down, hold us tight, and refuses to let us go… We’re left reeling and un-oriented.
How often don’t we find ourselves in life laying there hurt, wounded, alone, wondering what in the world just happened to us? Wondering how to get up, how to assess it all, how to fix it all, how to dress all our wounds and hurts for quickest recovery? And wondering why God would allow something worse to happen to us when we were already clearly in a point of low.
We stand there in shock, assessing the situation, surveying the damage, asking ourselves and God the deeper questions of the why’s and what’s and where to next. We don’t get it, and we don’t want to have to figure it out.
We will never understand why God allows those little cracks in the roads of our lives to occasionally reach up and grab us every-so-often and trip us up, bring us down, hurt us, stop us. It wasn’t a brand new path I was on this morning, it was a trusted, tried and true route taken a million times. And yet for some reason, something got in the way, something unexpected came up and took me down.
We get caught off guard when the unexpected happens, when the wrinkles in life trip us up, bring us down, set us back, hurt us, and damage us. We are taken off guard when we trip and stumble and falter on the mishaps and cracks that come before us. And how often doesn't this happen when we’re already struggling, already traveling in a season of dark and difficulty, already deep in the battle set before us. We know where we want to go, we even know the path we want to take to get us there… but it’s dark. It’s so so dark. And it’s hard. It’s so so hard. And then it’s that “one more thing”… One more thing happens. One more thing gets added to our burdens, our darkness, our heaviness. One more thing gets added to that backpack we’re carrying that already is so so heavy and filled with so many bricks and burdens.
Adding insult to injury. It’s the thing that tries to break us, tries to wound us beyond repair, tries to take over completely and leave us lying there wondering what happened and how in the world to get back up and try piecing it all back together again.
Sometimes the wounds and hurts and cuts gash us deeper than we fear we can survive. Sometimes we feel grateful, knowing it could be so much worse, yet grumbling and still having to stumble along through the onset of pain, weathering the discomfort left to still endure, slowly back tracking to grant ourselves the time and space to heal and recover to the capacity needed to restore our health… our physical, mental, spiritual health.
We feel so alone and so broken in the dark… And yet we’re not. We’re not alone, and our path and our journeys are not random. Our footsteps are carefully set out before us on our life’s journeys. We can choose to stay on the couch or we can choose to get up and do something. Some days we’ll accomplish great things, some days we won’t. Some days we’ll find great success, some days we won’t. Some days will go smooth and careful, some days won’t. Some days we will fall, we will get hurt, we will need to stop for the care and healing needed to regain our health and strength.
I quickly tried to get back up, of course looking around to see who might have witnessed this. Luckily, I saw no one. I slowly tried to put myself back together and examine all the damage. I hurt everywhere and my mind was still attempting to catch up to what had just happened.
It was 4:30 a.m. I was only two blocks from home, the sky was pitch black… and this had completely caught me by surprise.
I’ve been struggling with finding the inner desire and willpower to even continue my current training. Right now, I really really want to quit running, forever. Monday I was still at the lake, both Tuesday and Wednesday morning it was raining when I got up, and then yesterday morning, the first morning I finally convince myself to get up and get back out there again… I fall... and I fell hard.
I found myself all week continuing to try navigate all the “heavy” within me - all the negative, all the emotions, all the thoughts of quitting and failure whispering its lies to me. It’s been one thing after another, and I know that satan is trying his hardest to entangle me and wrap himself around my mind and body. It makes me frustrated, it makes me mad, it makes me want to weep.
He seems to be winning right now.
After a few minutes of gathering myself under the faint glow of a streetlight, and assessing the damage the concrete had left to my body, I was beyond grateful nothing seemed to be broken. My glasses hadn’t broken, I hadn’t hit my head, I know I had rolled over my arm that my iPhone was strapped onto (which I take out of it’s protective case while I run because of the stupid headphone jack) and was shocked to see it hadn’t cracked, and no bones were broken. My palms, knees, shoulders, hips were all sporting road rash and blood.
Lucky. So so lucky. I knew it, and I was grateful in that moment. I was still banged up, I was still hurt, I was still rattled. I was sure I’d be stiff and sore for days to come, but I was grateful.
I debated quitting the run and heading back. Heavens, I was only two blocks from home. I debated attempting to complete my initial training mission for the morning. I compromised somewhere in the middle. I wasn’t able to get in the entire distance I had hoped to complete, but I didn’t turn immediately around and head right home.
I did not give satan the satisfaction of completely winning.
I got home, my wounds and muscles starting to clearly scream at me through their pain and aches. I showered, assessed all the damage in full light, and bandaged myself up as best as I could. As I pulled open the outer bandage seals, and pulled off each half of the bandage to expose the adhesive, carefully applying it to my skin, to cover and protect the raw and vulnerable skin, I couldn’t help but think about how similar this moment was to real life.
How often aren’t we in a somewhat dark season, feeling alone on our journey, attempting to survive the moment, dutifully tying to put one foot in front of the other, just trying to reach a new destination, trying to reach a time of greater light and clarity, trying to find the gracefulness in our steps as we navigate the less than perfect conditions surrounding us. We’re out there in life, struggling, fighting it, surrounded by the hard and the dark, yet faithfully attempting to persevere, attempting to do that next right thing… only to be unexpectedly struck down, out-of-the-blue slammed down even further than you thought possible. It’s like getting blindsided during some of our darkest hours… as if the initial blackness of the circumstances aren’t heavy enough… something of of the blue attacks and decides to hold us down, hold us tight, and refuses to let us go… We’re left reeling and un-oriented.
How often don’t we find ourselves in life laying there hurt, wounded, alone, wondering what in the world just happened to us? Wondering how to get up, how to assess it all, how to fix it all, how to dress all our wounds and hurts for quickest recovery? And wondering why God would allow something worse to happen to us when we were already clearly in a point of low.
We stand there in shock, assessing the situation, surveying the damage, asking ourselves and God the deeper questions of the why’s and what’s and where to next. We don’t get it, and we don’t want to have to figure it out.
We will never understand why God allows those little cracks in the roads of our lives to occasionally reach up and grab us every-so-often and trip us up, bring us down, hurt us, stop us. It wasn’t a brand new path I was on this morning, it was a trusted, tried and true route taken a million times. And yet for some reason, something got in the way, something unexpected came up and took me down.
We get caught off guard when the unexpected happens, when the wrinkles in life trip us up, bring us down, set us back, hurt us, and damage us. We are taken off guard when we trip and stumble and falter on the mishaps and cracks that come before us. And how often doesn't this happen when we’re already struggling, already traveling in a season of dark and difficulty, already deep in the battle set before us. We know where we want to go, we even know the path we want to take to get us there… but it’s dark. It’s so so dark. And it’s hard. It’s so so hard. And then it’s that “one more thing”… One more thing happens. One more thing gets added to our burdens, our darkness, our heaviness. One more thing gets added to that backpack we’re carrying that already is so so heavy and filled with so many bricks and burdens.
Adding insult to injury. It’s the thing that tries to break us, tries to wound us beyond repair, tries to take over completely and leave us lying there wondering what happened and how in the world to get back up and try piecing it all back together again.
Sometimes the wounds and hurts and cuts gash us deeper than we fear we can survive. Sometimes we feel grateful, knowing it could be so much worse, yet grumbling and still having to stumble along through the onset of pain, weathering the discomfort left to still endure, slowly back tracking to grant ourselves the time and space to heal and recover to the capacity needed to restore our health… our physical, mental, spiritual health.
We feel so alone and so broken in the dark… And yet we’re not. We’re not alone, and our path and our journeys are not random. Our footsteps are carefully set out before us on our life’s journeys. We can choose to stay on the couch or we can choose to get up and do something. Some days we’ll accomplish great things, some days we won’t. Some days we’ll find great success, some days we won’t. Some days will go smooth and careful, some days won’t. Some days we will fall, we will get hurt, we will need to stop for the care and healing needed to regain our health and strength.
I can’t help but think of one of my life verses. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3
He MAKES me lie down in green pastures… He RESTORES my soul. He brings me down, to simply bring me back to Him.
Yes, these trials and setbacks happen for a reason. Yes, our hurts, aches, bruises, wounds, and falls happen for a reason. They happen as a means to bring us back to Him, to allow Him to fill us, to restore us, to heal us, to carry us, to return us, to hold us close.
But you know what, sometimes He doesn’t grant healing, sometimes He doesn’t answer the prayers and pleadings we cry out to Him with. Sometimes He remains silent for long seasons. Sometimes He leaves us in the dark seasons longer than we want. Sometimes the pain will become even worse tomorrow.
I will never understand the why’s and how’s and reasonings of that, but as my life continues to tick by, I find the deep breaths of needing to somehow simply try faithfully trust this journey, embrace my falls, welcome the darkness, and allow myself to see, experience, hurt, heal, and sometimes even be carried through the many seasons and situations I encounter.
Most days this is definitely easier said than done. Most days I wallow in my sorrow, I feel sorry for myself, I ache and I long for answers and understanding I know I’ll never attain.
We aren’t alone in our darkness, in our unexpectedness, in our pain. We don’t have to heal alone, we don’t have to be entirely self sufficient every single second of our lives.
It’s ok to hurt and take the time needed to apply the bandages and ointment needed to mend our hurts and our cuts from the blindsided battles we continually encounter in this one life God has granted us.
It’s ok to grieve. It’s ok be angry, to be sad, to be disappointed, to be anxious, to be messy, to be emotional, to fall apart for a while. It’s ok to question, to cry, to feel utterly lost. We need to endure the battering and the bruising, weather the pain and the hurt, to receive the joy and promise of recovery and the glory of our salvation.
So much of what happens in our lives is so hard to understand and navigate. So many situations threaten to undo us, overtake us, overwhelm us. There are so many things we will never know this side of Heaven. But I believe God simply wants us to try trust the journey before us, trust the mishaps and setbacks, trust the darkness and the falls, trust the healing and hurts, trust the reassurance and reasoning behind the promise of eternal life.
I physically fell yesterday morning, and I fell hard. It was unexpected and unwanted. My body is left aching and sore. My strained muscles need to rest, the bruises and cuts need to heal, and I need to figure out how to continue forward without quitting entirely, even through that is exactly what I want to do. That is exactly what the enemy wants me to do.
I need to hang on just a little tighter, just a little longer. I need to allow this to set me back, but not break me entirely. We all need to hang on just a little tighter, just a little longer. We all need to allow the unexpected to set us back, but not break us entirely.
I wish I had a quick three point word of advise to navigate through this, but I don’t. I will simply trust the journey, trust that I am not alone, trust that we all fall in life, that we are all walking around battered and banged up, and we are all working on figuring out how to get back up and get back into the game of life.
And I will trust the darkness and the unknown is simply leading to a greater light and understanding… maybe not today… maybe not tomorrow… maybe not even next week or next month. But someday, someway, somewhere, somehow, there will be a greater light and understanding, and all this will make sense, all this will be clear.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3. He MAKES me lie down in green pastures… He RESTORES my soul. He brings me down, to simply bring me back to Him.
He MAKES me lie down in green pastures… He RESTORES my soul. He brings me down, to simply bring me back to Him.
Yes, these trials and setbacks happen for a reason. Yes, our hurts, aches, bruises, wounds, and falls happen for a reason. They happen as a means to bring us back to Him, to allow Him to fill us, to restore us, to heal us, to carry us, to return us, to hold us close.
But you know what, sometimes He doesn’t grant healing, sometimes He doesn’t answer the prayers and pleadings we cry out to Him with. Sometimes He remains silent for long seasons. Sometimes He leaves us in the dark seasons longer than we want. Sometimes the pain will become even worse tomorrow.
I will never understand the why’s and how’s and reasonings of that, but as my life continues to tick by, I find the deep breaths of needing to somehow simply try faithfully trust this journey, embrace my falls, welcome the darkness, and allow myself to see, experience, hurt, heal, and sometimes even be carried through the many seasons and situations I encounter.
Most days this is definitely easier said than done. Most days I wallow in my sorrow, I feel sorry for myself, I ache and I long for answers and understanding I know I’ll never attain.
We aren’t alone in our darkness, in our unexpectedness, in our pain. We don’t have to heal alone, we don’t have to be entirely self sufficient every single second of our lives.
It’s ok to hurt and take the time needed to apply the bandages and ointment needed to mend our hurts and our cuts from the blindsided battles we continually encounter in this one life God has granted us.
It’s ok to grieve. It’s ok be angry, to be sad, to be disappointed, to be anxious, to be messy, to be emotional, to fall apart for a while. It’s ok to question, to cry, to feel utterly lost. We need to endure the battering and the bruising, weather the pain and the hurt, to receive the joy and promise of recovery and the glory of our salvation.
So much of what happens in our lives is so hard to understand and navigate. So many situations threaten to undo us, overtake us, overwhelm us. There are so many things we will never know this side of Heaven. But I believe God simply wants us to try trust the journey before us, trust the mishaps and setbacks, trust the darkness and the falls, trust the healing and hurts, trust the reassurance and reasoning behind the promise of eternal life.
I physically fell yesterday morning, and I fell hard. It was unexpected and unwanted. My body is left aching and sore. My strained muscles need to rest, the bruises and cuts need to heal, and I need to figure out how to continue forward without quitting entirely, even through that is exactly what I want to do. That is exactly what the enemy wants me to do.
I need to hang on just a little tighter, just a little longer. I need to allow this to set me back, but not break me entirely. We all need to hang on just a little tighter, just a little longer. We all need to allow the unexpected to set us back, but not break us entirely.
I wish I had a quick three point word of advise to navigate through this, but I don’t. I will simply trust the journey, trust that I am not alone, trust that we all fall in life, that we are all walking around battered and banged up, and we are all working on figuring out how to get back up and get back into the game of life.
And I will trust the darkness and the unknown is simply leading to a greater light and understanding… maybe not today… maybe not tomorrow… maybe not even next week or next month. But someday, someway, somewhere, somehow, there will be a greater light and understanding, and all this will make sense, all this will be clear.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3. He MAKES me lie down in green pastures… He RESTORES my soul. He brings me down, to simply bring me back to Him.
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