The past several years I have done some big birthday runs, and decided to follow suit, just kicked up a notch. I found a summer challenge going on and changed it up just a little. Instead of 300 miles over the summer, I would do 300 miles in the 46 days leading up to my birthday and finish up the miles with a half marathon the morning of my birthday. Which was just a random work day, on a Wednesday. (I mean everyone chooses to get up extra early and run extra far quick a minute before work on the morning of their birthdays, right?!)
I've been intriqued by the word Grit for the past few years. I've listened to and read (and own) Angela Duckworth's talks and book about Grit: The Power of Passion and Perserverance, so naturally I was drawn to the Believe in the Run Grit Challenge this summer when I saw it post. The wheels in my mind immediately turning as to how to change it into something personal and challenging - yet attainable - for myself.
At the beginning of the year I printed out all the new calendar pages for 2021 to add to my workout schedule folder, and I began filling it in. I first got all my training logged through my Dream BIG Princess Challenge … then moved on to filling in the 46 days to my birthday. I was busy with the calculator figuring it all out, and finally had it all set and ready to go - hitting mile 300 during a half marathon run the morning of March 10th. I put the pencil down with a smile, and a little whisper of “girlfriend why do you keep doing this to yourself…” All in all, I was confident it was doable and I was ready to dive in and do it.
I trained (and trained) and stressed out but tackled that Dream BIG Princess Challenge in January. Four days in a row with a progressive 5K, 10K, Half (13.1), and Full (26.2) Marathon. I had the shirts, and the medals, and the coffee mug… and I did it, I actually completed it all. (All inside, on my treadmill and elliptical, and all of it completely alone in my basement.)
I “allowed” myself the following week off to rest and recover. Yeah, I’m one of those people who struggles with rest, and worth, and view food as the enemy and exercise as the punishment - so to eat and not exercise is hard mentally for me… I’m not great at controlling the demons inside me screaming for chocolate and candy and all the things I’m not supposed to eat - so that also means I’m not great at allowing myself to simply “not” do any intentional exercise…
But Lord knows my body needed rest, my mind needed rest… my soul needed rest, and I was allowing myself that. And then on day four I went to stand up out of my chair for lunch … and I could feel my back go out. It seized, it spasmed, I grabbed it all hunched over and immediately called to get in to the chiropractor.
Nope, this is not my first rodeo with back issues… I’ve bent to put my leg into a pair of shorts, I’ve bent into the wash machine to pull out clothes, I’ve stood up from a chair, I’ve sneezed - and my back has gone out and I’ve gone down. It usually takes a trip or two to the chiropractor and a few days and it’s "for the most part" better.
I wasn’t at all surprised that my back went out after the wear and tear of the days earlier. I got adjusted, it was sore, I was careful, and two days later I loaded up the car with my mom and enough food to feed a small army and we set off to my son and future daughter-in-laws new house to feed the masses that were there helping tear down old plaster and lattes. I ran errands and at some point was handed the shop vac hose to take over some vacuuming. And I bent down to begin… and my back went out again… it really went out.
During the following days, weeks, and months my back would continue to haunt me. Every day there was incredible pain and spasming. I couldn't get up by myself, I couldn't get dressed by myself, I couldn't get shoes on by myself. I couldn’t sit at all, and I couldn’t stand for long periods of time either. I was flat on my back most of the time. I went to the chiropractor, I went for massages, I was laced up tight in a back brace, and I finally went to the doctor for some muscle relaxers about six weeks in.
It was determined that it was not a spinal issue, it was an issue of some very angry sartorius muscles. I laid on the heating pad, I did the stretches, I made myself get up and try walk enough to somewhat get it to loosen up for just a moment or two. Rest and repeat.
I watched the calendar and day 1 of the Grit Challenge was getting closer and closer, and I was not running… I was barely walking, and I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen.
In the end, I decided that I had set the goal of 300 “intentional” miles during those 46 days, and I just had to mentally settle on the fact that that “intentional” would have to be altered slightly during this time with my back.
I began watching the daily overall steps and milage on my garmin watch each day, something I hadn’t done before. I had originally set my milage goals by penciling in the distance I needed to intentionally run / elliptical / power walk each morning - all in one time interval with not stopping in between, and that was not an option, so I did what I could and kept track at the end of each day, hoping to end somewhat close to where I had originally "planned" on "needing" to do.
Walking was hard, really hard. I would have to make myself get up and move, and I began to start walking slow laps from one end of the house to the other, mutiple times a day, hunched over and breathing hard, squeezing my hands over the spasming muscles. I continue recording the overall daily milage I got in, pushing myself to both rest and move as needed throughout each day.
I had never counted overall daily mileage before in my intentional milage, but these miles were some of the hardest and most "intentional" miles I have ever endured. I had to figure out when to rest, when to push, and when to be done entirely.
I slowly began to walk a little on the treadmill, and in time I could also go a little while on the elliptical. Every day I got up and tried to do what I could. Some days were better than others, but every day hurt. Every single day was hard, and I'm still not near 100% over two months later.
In the end, while not at all what I had originally planned (umm hello, story of my life), I did actually log mile 300 during my miles the morning of my birthday. I did earn that new mug, and I did wear that new shirt, and I did turn another year older, though sadly I did not meet many other of my wellness and fitness goals I had also pinned on that day... But nearly all my life I've entered the next year with the same hopes and goals and dreams - and nearly every year is another year I can't check all the boxes of completion.
While I may not have been at the weight I wanted or the running pace I wanted (or even running at all) or so many other things I fell short yet again on... I did however persist (and as Merriam-Webster states) with a firmness of mind or spirit with unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger, through 300 intentional miles over the course of 46 days. I wasn't able to tick the miles off on my garmin all at one time without stopping, but lap by lap through my house, and slow mile by mile on my treadmill and elliptical, I did get those miles in.
And while I hardly allowed myself to celebrate conquering that Dream BIG Princess Challenge before my back fell apart and I was left struggling to come to terms with a body that failed me again... I have to stop myself and say - no girl, your body didn't fail you - you got every single mile in on that challenge (and the next!), and it was a hard challenge, so give yourself some credit. Your back went out, yes, but it didn't fail me, and it does deserve both the rest and celebration of getting me to and through yet one more of my personal tests of grit. #gritgitter
grit
nounDefinition of grit
(Entry 1 of 2)
b: a hard sharp granule (as of sand)also : material (as many abrasives) composed of such granules
2: any of several sandstones
3a: the structure of a stone that adapts it to grinding
b: the size of abrasive particles usually expressed as their mesh
4: firmness of mind or spirit : unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger managed to survive by his grit and guile
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