Eight weeks ago I owned a set of three pound dumbbells, a set of five pound dumbbells (though I wasn’t even sure of their exact location), a light blue measuring tape from high school Home Ec class that was folded with a cracked and aged rubber band around it and at the bottom of my very messy purse, and an old-school scale.
Eight weeks ago I was just finishing another half marathon twelve week training schedule. Eight weeks ago I had never done a plank. Eight weeks ago the thought of squats made me grimace. Eight weeks ago I was struggling along on my weight loss journey and battling both my mind and my scale. Eight weeks ago I had never heard of the terms plyo jumps, skull crushers, prayer crunches, mountain climbers, or triple bears.
And then one day I was sitting on the beach at the lake and decided to jump on a whim, jump into something with both feet. I finally said yes, sign me up, and I made a vow to honestly devote eight weeks to this thing… this program… this challenge… this group.
I honestly had no idea what I was really getting myself into. I knew I was still actively working on logging my 2018 mile goal for 2018. I knew I would soon be starting another round of half marathon training, and I hoped I would somehow be able to fit this into all of that along with my life, my work, and my family.
After week one I went and purchased a set of eight pound dumbbells. After week three I went and purchased a set of twelve pound dumbbells I found on sale. I would have added seventeen’s (and maybe even twenty’s) as well, but just could not afford it. At week four I added a new bluetooth full body composition bmi scale to my collection (also found on a great sale), and at week six I ordered an official body measurement retractable tape measure.
I had never used any kind of recharge or recovery drink after any of my workouts, and was blown away by how much less body and muscle ache I had, how much better I felt after my workouts. I had never used resistance bands before, and I admit I found them quite awkward and I was hardly strong enough to use them for many of the initial exercise moves. I also began to seriously measure and track my water intake every day. I am not a water drinker, so this was hard for me.
I got my workouts in, I drank half my weight in water oz. every day, I tracked everything I put in my mouth to eat, I continued to log my miles. I took before photos and shared them with the other gals also embarking on this grand adventure with me. And I did all that while being a full time employee, wife, mom, friend, supporter. I got into a firm routine with my morning and evenings so I made sure to prioritize each day so everything ran as smoothly as possible, and really ~ if you don’t pre-plan, you are just setting yourself up for failure. At least for myself anyway.
And I also worked really hard to figure out how to better navigate the unknown, to go with the flow, to adapt and modify as needed without just giving up or quitting. And if you know me at all (epic crazy overachiever, perfectionist, pre-planner, and organizer extraordinaire) that was a challenge. I worked on not comparing myself to others. I also had to really dig deep during this to not be obsessed with the scale, because this was a mind, body, and soul transformation that was different than any way I had ever viewed or approached fitness ever before. All my life, the only thing that mattered was the number displayed on my old bathroom scale, and I viewed that number through the eyes of someone who has dealt with the demons of ED since the age of thirteen. I knew nothing about body mass, muscle mass, strength training. And those added variables I would find, can greatly alter how your body reacts and changes and ultimately displays that digital number on that old scale in the bathroom corner.
I didn’t really talk about it much to the people around me. One person commented on how toned I was looking about six weeks in, one friend was doing the program with me, one friend knew I was doing the program and was a great support, but no one else seemed to notice any changes at all. I didn’t share much about it on social media. I faithfully remained fully engaged in our small online group of gals who were also doing this same challenge, but I remained relatively quiet everywhere else.
I think if I’m honest, I was afraid to share that I was doing something different because I was afraid I was going to fail it - that I was going to quit it part way through - that I was going to crash and burn and disappoint myself. And I think we all secretly want to be seen - really seen. We want what we are doing to be recognized and noticed without having to hang the “Hey world look at me” banner above us while we toot our own horns of praise and accomplishment.
Yesterday I completed the entire program. If I’m honest, it was bittersweet. It was an amazing feeling to start something and complete something without missing one workout the entire time. It was an amazing feeling to recognize the changes in how certain moves from week one to week eight felt. I’m not one that can always see exterior change on myself very well, but I felt stronger on the inside - mentally and physically. The workouts still were absolute killers, so I know I still have a crazy long way to go, but I made the time to fight my mind and body through thirty to forty minutes of intense workouts four days a week for eight weeks. I also continued to run, walk, and elliptical. I ran a half marathon during week six that was a complete last minute decision. I put myself on my to-do list and attempted to stave off the guilt. I gave myself the gift of myself as I put my own health as a priority, right now, in this exact season.
The last eight weeks brought me through August… Oh August, so bittersweet and hard for me, that sacred and hard month when we should have celebrated the birthday of our precious Faith MaryJo, but didn't. It brought me through finding a lump on my breast and the steps and weeks following all that. It brought me through transiting from summer to fall and getting back into the routine of spelling words, reading, and homework with the ten-year-old.
One of the hardest things for me was the mind games played with the scale. Going in, I had adamantly said I did not want to bulk - I only wanted to slim and trim, and as the weeks continued on I knew I was gaining weight, I knew my pants were starting to fit differently, and those two things waged an all-out war in my mind. Logically I knew my body was changing and getting stronger and my muscles were changing, but my logical mind was not winning the battle with the side of my mind that deals strictly in numbers, specifically scale numbers and pant size numbers.
After week four I finally had to stop weighing myself. I just couldn’t do it. I did not get on a scale for four weeks, I just wouldn’t allow myself to continue on that emotional rollercoaster. Yesterday morning my heart was racing and ringing in my ears as I looked down at my bare feet and that shiny new bluetooth bmi scale directly in front of them. My arms, my core, my legs I’m fairly certain have all changed, at least a little, in their composition. I know my body changed even if my weight hadn’t, but I was still so scared to know.
So here I am, eight weeks later. I have officially completed every workout. I have officially weighed and measured. I moved down a tiny bit in weight and inches, but not to the “magic number” on the scale my mind had wanted. But that’s ok. I am still a work in progress, and I am stronger and healthier than I was eight weeks ago. I have eight weeks of new habits and amazing friendships to add to my Journey of weight loss toolbox. I have eight weeks of strength and confidence added to my journey. I have eight weeks of perseverance, endurance, and success under my belt.
And I can only imagine what I can achieve, who I can motivate, and what I can accomplish in the next eight weeks! Bring it on!
{ Previous blog Post "Defining Moments" HERE }
{ Next blog post "Summer Evolution Growth to Rest" HERE }
I didn’t really talk about it much to the people around me. One person commented on how toned I was looking about six weeks in, one friend was doing the program with me, one friend knew I was doing the program and was a great support, but no one else seemed to notice any changes at all. I didn’t share much about it on social media. I faithfully remained fully engaged in our small online group of gals who were also doing this same challenge, but I remained relatively quiet everywhere else.
I think if I’m honest, I was afraid to share that I was doing something different because I was afraid I was going to fail it - that I was going to quit it part way through - that I was going to crash and burn and disappoint myself. And I think we all secretly want to be seen - really seen. We want what we are doing to be recognized and noticed without having to hang the “Hey world look at me” banner above us while we toot our own horns of praise and accomplishment.
Yesterday I completed the entire program. If I’m honest, it was bittersweet. It was an amazing feeling to start something and complete something without missing one workout the entire time. It was an amazing feeling to recognize the changes in how certain moves from week one to week eight felt. I’m not one that can always see exterior change on myself very well, but I felt stronger on the inside - mentally and physically. The workouts still were absolute killers, so I know I still have a crazy long way to go, but I made the time to fight my mind and body through thirty to forty minutes of intense workouts four days a week for eight weeks. I also continued to run, walk, and elliptical. I ran a half marathon during week six that was a complete last minute decision. I put myself on my to-do list and attempted to stave off the guilt. I gave myself the gift of myself as I put my own health as a priority, right now, in this exact season.
The last eight weeks brought me through August… Oh August, so bittersweet and hard for me, that sacred and hard month when we should have celebrated the birthday of our precious Faith MaryJo, but didn't. It brought me through finding a lump on my breast and the steps and weeks following all that. It brought me through transiting from summer to fall and getting back into the routine of spelling words, reading, and homework with the ten-year-old.
One of the hardest things for me was the mind games played with the scale. Going in, I had adamantly said I did not want to bulk - I only wanted to slim and trim, and as the weeks continued on I knew I was gaining weight, I knew my pants were starting to fit differently, and those two things waged an all-out war in my mind. Logically I knew my body was changing and getting stronger and my muscles were changing, but my logical mind was not winning the battle with the side of my mind that deals strictly in numbers, specifically scale numbers and pant size numbers.
After week four I finally had to stop weighing myself. I just couldn’t do it. I did not get on a scale for four weeks, I just wouldn’t allow myself to continue on that emotional rollercoaster. Yesterday morning my heart was racing and ringing in my ears as I looked down at my bare feet and that shiny new bluetooth bmi scale directly in front of them. My arms, my core, my legs I’m fairly certain have all changed, at least a little, in their composition. I know my body changed even if my weight hadn’t, but I was still so scared to know.
So here I am, eight weeks later. I have officially completed every workout. I have officially weighed and measured. I moved down a tiny bit in weight and inches, but not to the “magic number” on the scale my mind had wanted. But that’s ok. I am still a work in progress, and I am stronger and healthier than I was eight weeks ago. I have eight weeks of new habits and amazing friendships to add to my Journey of weight loss toolbox. I have eight weeks of strength and confidence added to my journey. I have eight weeks of perseverance, endurance, and success under my belt.
And I can only imagine what I can achieve, who I can motivate, and what I can accomplish in the next eight weeks! Bring it on!
{ Previous blog Post "Defining Moments" HERE }
{ Next blog post "Summer Evolution Growth to Rest" HERE }
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