This was from my old Crane Chronicles blog, and fitting with the Mess Stress blog I just posted.
So... I had my dad stop by to help with a few things around the house, since my husband's only job right now is to heal and recover from his recent back surgery.
You know... trim some trees, blow up my bicycle tires, attempt to remove (for the second year now) a tree growing up the side of our house (we'll need vegetation killer for it? seriously, what's that?) give advice on a wild maple tree coming up in our raspberry patch [meaning - HE will either need to remove it entirely or move it and plant it somewhere else in our yard]... not everything got done in one night, so I'm sure he'll be back... we didn't get the van washed (it seriously only gets washed once a year - right before we leave on vacation [I am deathly afraid of car washes]) or get my hair out of my shower drain [sorry - I know it's my hair, but I cannot.do.it.] And of course he was busy pulling all our weeds out of our landscaping rocks and foundation. We do not garden! We have zero plants, flowers, "landscaping" or neat lights or strategic large boulders. ...Just rocks around the front of the house... And we can't even properly maintain those... Ugh!
Our siding has dings. Our paint on our doorways is peeling. The paint and shingles on my covered bridge need maintenance. The logs in our window wells need some hammering and tlc. Our inside windows all need new stain and vanish. As I followed him around, feeling like a little girl running after her daddy again... I found myself feeling embarrassed... so lazy, so inadequate as a home owner in the shadow of his busyness and over-enthusiasm of lifes expertise. He's modeled so much more than I am when it comes to home ownership. I felt like I have let him down, and it makes me sad.
He attempted to look for a tool on my husband's side of the garage - and couldn't even find enough open footing to move around on that side. I was ever aware of the mess... the utter state of failure at our house upkeep.
Then he stepped in to the house. The counters are littered with stuff - as well as the floors and piano bench, end tables, ect ect... Part of the problem is we seriously have a five year old hoarder in the house. Every box from every toy, every paper, every project from school and daycare cannot be thrown away. I try ~ he checks both the garbage and recycle bin every single day to be sure nothings been thrown away ~ and will have a fit and dig out anything he may find that I have tried to get rid of. One of these days I will find the time and energy to attempt to tackle some of it - and hopefully have enough energy to deal with the aftermath when he gets home. Remember, he's the child that remembers and knows where e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. is...
But as I stood there - I felt ashamed of the state of our house. We never invite anyone over... In fact in over nine years of marriage ~ I think we've invited friends over less than eight times.
Yea, we're "that kind of family..." You know the ones that barely get their lawn mowed when it needs it - and doesn't do one thing more. Cleans the garage just enough to park in it - and not one thing more. Tries to clean the house - but absolutely can't keep up with everyone home and running a full time cake decorating business 24/7 in it. I just don't have the time or energy to do one more thing. But yet, we camp, we hunt, we fish, we vacation. We have "hobbies" and other things we love to do, which we justify as ok, while just leaving the rest of it all go...
I hate living in clutter. But the reality is that my standards are at an entirely different level than the other three living in this house with me. I'm left to either do it nearly all myself, or just change my expectations of both myself and of them, and just "settle" on a lower standard and continuing as "that kind of family"... Which is both "ok" and "not ok"... I've learned in the last thirty-eight years that expectations... MY expectations... are usually a little too high and a little too unattainable for all those involved, and life really may run a little (or a lot!!) smother without them...
I just wish we could all figure out a happy "meet-in-the-middle" spot... ;-)
And in the meantime, I'm just grateful my dad only lives a few miles away and stops to try help out a little bit every now and again :-)
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