This was from my old Crane Chronicles blog, and fitting with the Mess Stress blog I just posted.
why do we have what we have?
why do we keep what we keep?
why do we long to attain more yet find ourselves suffocating in the excess we already have?
how do you take all the "stuff" in your possession and downsize?
oh - the life long saga within me rears it's ugly head again.
I stand in the middle of my house and slowly just look around
trying to really "see" everything that's there.
It's always amazing to me how I have to stop and consciously "look" to really "see"
all the junk and the clutter and the piles that have somehow over time,
basically become... invisible.
Not really invisible, but there for so long, you just stop "seeing" it.
When I get busy, I tend to get lazy
Or at least that's what I tell myself.
I stop taking the time to sort and clean - and just start to stack and pack.
Internally I do not do well amid "mess". The busier I am, the more tired I am, the less cleaning I can fit in. The mess grows, the dust grows, the blinders to it all grows.
And then one day, it all becomes overwhelming...
And it does not help that my cleanliness expectations are much higher than the other three
individuals who also live under this roof, all with their own large accumulations of "stuff".
It's really all just a sad and frustrating situation.
Funny, you'd never guess I was a clean freak if you were to actually stop over.
Perhaps that's why we never have anyone over.
Well, I've learned something about myself over the years.
I cycle - I rev into insanity and then totally hit rock bottom.
I swear I have to change and take the proper steps to "start fresh"...
I slow down a bit... and the more I slow down the more "aware" I become.
Aware of the dust... the piles... the papers... the stacks... the boxes... the toys...
all of it - everywhere...
And the more aware, the more annoyed and unsettled I get with myself.
I long to have less... to desire less... to simplify to the extreme.
I don't want to want. Honestly - I do not want to want. But I do.
I want things on a very personal and selfish level
and I want things on a giving and loving level with / for my family.
There are so many with so little, and I have so much.
And yet amid my "so much" I still feel the current financial strain of "so little"...
Which in reality, I also realize, my finances are "so much" in comparison to so many others around the world, causing the stir of guilt over all my personal materialistic struggles.
Oh why is this haves / wants / needs / desires / possessions such a tricky tricky thing to balance?
In 2011 I gave myself a challenge to get rid of 30 items a day for 30 days.
I do believe it time to take on this lofty challenge yet again.
why do we have what we have?
why do we keep what we keep?
why do we long to attain more yet find ourselves suffocating in the excess we already have?
how do you take all the "stuff" in your possession and downsize?
oh - the life long saga within me rears it's ugly head again.
I stand in the middle of my house and slowly just look around
trying to really "see" everything that's there.
It's always amazing to me how I have to stop and consciously "look" to really "see"
all the junk and the clutter and the piles that have somehow over time,
basically become... invisible.
Not really invisible, but there for so long, you just stop "seeing" it.
When I get busy, I tend to get lazy
Or at least that's what I tell myself.
I stop taking the time to sort and clean - and just start to stack and pack.
Internally I do not do well amid "mess". The busier I am, the more tired I am, the less cleaning I can fit in. The mess grows, the dust grows, the blinders to it all grows.
And then one day, it all becomes overwhelming...
And it does not help that my cleanliness expectations are much higher than the other three
individuals who also live under this roof, all with their own large accumulations of "stuff".
It's really all just a sad and frustrating situation.
Funny, you'd never guess I was a clean freak if you were to actually stop over.
Perhaps that's why we never have anyone over.
Well, I've learned something about myself over the years.
I cycle - I rev into insanity and then totally hit rock bottom.
I swear I have to change and take the proper steps to "start fresh"...
I slow down a bit... and the more I slow down the more "aware" I become.
Aware of the dust... the piles... the papers... the stacks... the boxes... the toys...
all of it - everywhere...
And the more aware, the more annoyed and unsettled I get with myself.
I long to have less... to desire less... to simplify to the extreme.
I don't want to want. Honestly - I do not want to want. But I do.
I want things on a very personal and selfish level
and I want things on a giving and loving level with / for my family.
There are so many with so little, and I have so much.
And yet amid my "so much" I still feel the current financial strain of "so little"...
Which in reality, I also realize, my finances are "so much" in comparison to so many others around the world, causing the stir of guilt over all my personal materialistic struggles.
Oh why is this haves / wants / needs / desires / possessions such a tricky tricky thing to balance?
In 2011 I gave myself a challenge to get rid of 30 items a day for 30 days.
I do believe it time to take on this lofty challenge yet again.
And please Lord, if it be your will, help me not to want.
Anyone else willing to join me?
Surely I am not alone in this struggle...
{ next blog post }
Anyone else willing to join me?
Surely I am not alone in this struggle...
{ next blog post }
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