I was eating healthy. I was exercising. I was choosing the salad, the fruit, the veggies, the low fat - not just some of the time, not just most of the time, but EVERY single time, every single day. And when I would weigh in - nothing. And then I'd even gained. And I was struck with that frustrated "So why am I doing this then anyway??" If I'm choosing and doing all the right stuff and it's not making any difference, then why do it?? Eat the damn chocolate and be done with it.
I simmered in frustration and bitterness for quite a while. I'm still kinda there, if I'm honest. I quit exercising. I quit weighing in. I quit being so careful what I ate.
My friend came over and I told her I'd quit. She told me she'd joined Weight Watchers. (This is exactly why you need a friend to hold your hand during all this - she isn't going to let me quit.)
Well, I had promised myself that I would not pay money to lose weight (beyond the higher cost of purchasing healthier food at the store). No gym membership (I own a treadmill for cry'n out loud - just get on it!). No fad plan membership or special food / pills / shakes / supplements. No magic pink drink Fridays. Hey, I'm not saying anything personal against any of those businesses, I just personally do not have the cash in my wallet to be able to even consider it.
My friend has done Weight Watchers in the past. It's her go-to, it's what she does, and has worked for her before. I've done "low fat" and I've done Medifast in the past that have worked for me. The "low fat" was obviously not currently working. I eyed the dusty box of left over Medifast meals every time I got in my van in the garage.
I went to the chiropractor and started working on the pain in my feet and back and knee. I got back on the treadmill. There is no half-marathon in my near future, but there is a continual nudge to want to tackle that bucket list item once-and-for-all.
I finally caved and started the Medifast meals. I'd forgotten how horrible it all tasted. I'd forgotten how much I missed dairy and fruit. I did some online reading on Weight Watchers. They meet on Wednesday nights - I work on Wednesday nights, and I'm not even sure if they meet in the town I live. Their membership fees aren't even in my realm of being able to consider. Their points system intrigued me though. Something different, but possibly something doable. It looked complexly easy.
So here's where I currently stand. I'm using up my old Medifast meals (from four years ago) and I've ordered a set of basic PointsPlus Weight Watchers books off eBay that have a basic list all the foods and points. When they arrive, I will take a closer look and perhaps give it a try (on my own, not via a full membership... I'm not sure if that's something a person is supposed to publicly admit to or not, but I just did ~ please don't hunt me down Weight Watchers police!)
In the meantime, I did force myself to weigh today. By gosh by golly, I was down 2.4 pounds. I'm still frustrated, I'm not pleased with how I'm doing or how it's going, and I'm discouraged. But even the smallest of negative number is better than a plus number on that scale.
Today's small victory in the face of the mountain still before me.
{ next weight journey update HERE }
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