Keep the Focus in 2020

The last three years I have taken the time to ponder and come up with a word, or theme, for the new year I'm entering into.  What I hope to intentionally focus and work on over the following 365 days.

** 2017 - Less
** 2018 - Contentment
** 2019 - Just Be

As I went back and re-read all of these, I realized that I am like so many, starting the year out with great intentions, and then kind of losing steam, losing focus as the days, weeks, month, continue to pass by.

I'm not saying that I failed each year miserably, but I think I could have done a better job staying on task and forward moving with each theme every year.  I could have spent more time throughout the middle of year going back to those words / themes and doing a better job keeping them front and center in my day to day living.

A few of my friends have started talking about their quest to find their 2020 word, some already have it and some are still marinating on it.  As much as I hate to admit it, I have to say that the majority of my "ahh-haa" moments have come to me in our bathroom.  I'm not sure why, but I think it's just a place where I have my guard down, the crazy of my brain either hasn't quite started full gear for the day, I'm physically and mentally exhausted as I finish up some workout, or it's the end of the day and my brain has checked out for the day.  And interestingly enough, it seems in those moments are the times I can most clearly hear the whispers from within, the ethereal presence of God at work.

So it's to no surprise that after spending some time wondering what I'm needing to focus on this year, I found myself the other morning in the bathroom, finishing getting ready, and picking up my glasses from the counter to put them on.

And I looked down at them in my hands, and the image and thought span latched on to the 20/20 vision conotation.  We all can see our best when our eyes are at a perfect focus of 20/20 vision.  And just like that I heard the words...

Keep the focus in 2020.
Find the focus. Get focused.  Stay focused. Keep the focus.

And well, that was that.  It is actually quite perfect for the current state I'm stumbling around in.

I've spent much of my life lost... Lost and looking.  Lost and seeking.  Lost and trying to find myself. I'm also in this really hard phase of "maintaining" in my health and dieting and nutrition right now, all of 2019 actually.  All my life I've been the one who's on either extreme of the pendulum.  Either way to the right (heavy) or way to the left (not heavy).  I am very very bad at anything in-between.  I can gain, and I can lose - but that maintaining thing ... ohhhhhh, yeah that's hard for me.

It's been three years since I started my health and wellness journey, trying to heal inside and out and rewiring how my brain and body functioned.  It's been long and hard, and while I initially found myself at a point of great successes and the joy and highs and amazement of new accomplishments... I have been struggling and battling since as I try to just somehow maintain and figure out what that "normal" needs to be for me.

I'm not one that can eat just one cookie.  I eat the whole batch, or the whole package.  I'm not one that can eat just one chip, or one cracker, or one bowl of cereal.  It's quickly the whole bag, the whole box, and it's all gone.  I can get on a roll and steer clear entirely, but the thing with maintenance is ... figuring out how to just eat that one cookie.   How to just run just that one mile (and not nine more).

I need to continue to focus on that delicate life balance that I really struggle with.  I need to focus on the whole picture - the whole mind and body, not just the number on the scale, or the number of points eaten, the number of calories burned, or the number of days it's been since we lost our daughter.

I need to figure out what is currently out of focus, what is skewed and blurred and just not quite where it needs to be.  And then I need to start asking the questions... not just the general questions, but the specific questions of "Is A clearer than B?" "Is B clearer than C?" "Is 1 better than 2?" "Is 2 better than 3..." And then taking each little incriment and moving, tweaking, changing as needed. Some might need major adjustments, some only a little.

I find it funny how in my life I always seem to not be able to do everything all the time.  And what I mean by that is like... If I've got myself doing great on exercising and water intake each day - then I'm never quite so good on my food choices.  If I'm doing great on my hours of sleep and rest each day - then I'm never doing great on my exercise.  If I'm doing good at the exercise, water, and sleep - then I'm skipping my devotions, I'm not brushing my teeth before bed, I'm not making great meals for me or my family...  You get the picture, right?  It's like every day the perfect list includes:  Exercise, water intake, only eating healthy food choices, taking all the vitamins, helping (with full patience and loving understanding) with all the homework, school, band instruments, work, marriage, and mom related things.  It's getting all the laundry done, and the house picked up, and the meal on the table, and the dog to the vet, and teeth brushed twice a day (mine and everyone else's - oh, and with the spin brush that the dentist recommended but gives me a headache and of course also floss and mouthwash), and the hair washed, and the shoe strings untied every single time you take your shoes off.  It's putting all the clothes away as soon as you change them, it's putting everything away as soon as you're done with it.  It's texting, messaging, encouraging all the people while not being late to work and getting the school lunch packed and the lunch money needed in the account for tomorrow in the folder with the child carrying todays lunch, so he can also eat tomorrow. It's getting everyone where they need to be and picked back up without being late. It's sitting on the bleachers with the excited smile of encouragement at every single sporting, school, and extra circular event.  Oh and self care!  We mustn't forget devotions, personal development, quiet time, prayer, reflection, silence, yoga, journaling...

I could go on (and on and on and on...) but I won't.

I can do some things well for a while, at the expense of letting other things fall behind.  And then the other things that have fallen behind have to become the things I do well at for a while, while the earlier things I was able to do good at then fall behind.  Vicious cycle (for me anyway).  I just can't do all the things I know I should be doing every single minute of every single day.  And I (and "we" as an entire society) need to figure out how to honestly be ok with that, and not fall victum to the social media induced guilt flung at us from every single gosh darn direction.

So, by choosing the word focus for 2020, does not mean I'm intending to have a 20/20 focus on perfection every single day - the doing everything, every single day, for everyone (myself included).

No, I'm merely knowing that I need to figure out what things need to be changed, or realigned, or worked on to help my life run with better clarity and help me continue forward in a more clear and focused path.

Finding the middle, finding the give and take, finding the grace to walk away or the courage to take it on...  Keeping the steady focus on the stable horizon before me as I navigate the jungle of wild chaos all around me.

{ Previous blog post "Crane Clan Christmas Letter 2019" HERE }

Crane Clan Christmas Letter 2019

Here we are again, with Christmas right around the corner and a New Year, new decade in fact, following close at its heels.

We didn't send out a Christmas card last year, and decided last minute to do the easy way and just post a Christmas Letter blog with a current picture of us and just a few updates.

Gosh, where to even begin... it was another good year that flew by way too fast.

We started the year and spent much of the winter with Isaiah wresting in various tournaments around the area.  He and Brian really enjoyed their time together, and Isaiah met some really great people and new friends along the way.  They also enjoyed some time together ice fishing.  Don't worry, no one was cold or uncomfortable, as Brian has all the warm and fun stuff needed for long days on the ice (heater, ice shack, vexilar, the whole bit...)  If you ever want to go out for a day, just give him a call!

Winter proved to be rather hard for me, as I slipped into some depression and found myself just a little lost (again).  After spending lots of time in bed and lacking much ambition for anything, I was very grateful for the arrival of spring and slowly got myself back up and out there, and was slowly able to get myself into a little bit better of a place.

With spring came the excitement of getting to get back to the campground and getting everything cleaned up and our camper opened back up and ready for the season.  It was so good to be back!  We had a great summer camping, boating, fishing, hanging out as a family, and hanging out with all our camping friends.  We absolutely cherish our time and memories made at the lake.

Isaiah also played baseball this summer on a 5th grade team, so we spent lots to time in the bleachers watching him.  Bailey also played some slow pitch this summer and we got to also watch him and his team play.  Yup, I was an official #baseballmom this summer!

We decided to take a small vacation this summer and headed to Minneapolis for a few days.  We stayed downtown and got to experience a MN Twins baseball game (yup -we got to witness the epic triple play live in person!). We went to the Mall of America where ate at the Wallburgers restaurant, got cupcakes from Carlo's Bakery, and hung out in Legoland,  We also went to the zoo, and hiked, and Isaiah and I even got to run in a huge 5k race with 5,000 other runners that started right by our hotel.  You can read about that adventure HERE.  On the way home, we of course had to take in all the candies at the Worlds Largest Candy Store, and then spent a few last days just relaxing at the camper.

Suddenly it was fall and Isaiah was heading off to the 6th grade in the big Middle School building over in Alton.  New school building, new bus routes, new kids in his class, new teachers... but we worked really hard at it and the transition all went pretty well, and he is absolutely loving it now.  He also decided to join the band this fall, so we now have another baritonist in the family.  He is having two lessons a week right now and is really learning quickly.  He is excited to join the rest of his class in the "full band" practices and concerts after Christmas break.

Isaiah also played football this fall and got to go out and do some hunting with big brother Bailey (I'm not quite sure who was more excited about these outings). To date, Bailey is the only one who has come home with anything - but the season is not over!  I have no fear that our freezer will not be full again by the end of January.

In September my parents, Bailey, Isaiah, and I packed up the car and headed to Cedar Rapids for a fun little trip together.  Bailey, Isaiah, and I ran in the Kickoff to Kennick 5k race - which ended with us running under/through the stadium and coming out right on Kennick field where we crossed the finish line on the 50 yard line!  It was cool and raining, and it was Bailey's first ever 5k... On the way home we stopped to check out the Grotto and enjoyed a little picnic lunch there, just like when we were kids growing up and traveling on vacation. It is a trip and experience I will never forget!

In October Brian and I got to take a long weekend away to the Black Hills together.  I ran in the Crazy Horse 5k (Saturday) and Half Marathon (Sunday).  We stayed in a great little apartment in Hill City and got to see the trees changing, it was so beautiful.  We also drove the Needles Hwy, hiked to the Cathedral Spires, hiked to the top of Harney Peak (yes, the same day as my half marathon ~LOL), did wine tasting, toured Deadwood (where Brian won big on the penny slot machine), went to Mt Rushmore and just enjoyed a few days off from work and being away from any responsibilities (Thank you to my parents for taking on Isaiah and both dogs while we were gone #neveragain #lol)

Currently Isaiah is back to a busy wresting practice and tournament schedule, Bailey has been busy busy with harvest all fall, and added snow removal to his schedule at the first snow fall.

And here we are, the Christmas tree is up and the decorations out around the house.  The gifts are all bought and wrapped (well as long as I stop buying any more they are anyway), and while I am still fighting off a little bit of the hardness and ache I always have at the holidays, I am ready to celebrate.

And ... a  quick update on all of us.

Brian:
Still co-owner and busy working for J&B Custom Carpentry.  They had a fun year full of lots of various projects.  You can follow their work on facebook - click HERE.  And if you are ever in need of anything (big or small) give him a call!  He is busy with Isaiah and his wrestling, he is still a lover of all things camo and is off to hunt and fish absolutely whenever possible.  He is currently eagerly waiting for the ice to get thick enough to get out there and ice fish again.  Oh, and I should also mention he turned the big 4-0 in November #wink ;-).  Also this fall, he got to cross something off his bucket list when we went to see comedian Bill Engvall live.

Sara:
Last spring I took a job at Staples Promotional Products and got to get back into the Art Dept as an Art Administrator.  I've been back for a year and a half already, and just loving it.  I am also still doing some cupcakes on the side whenever I can fit them in (be sure to message if you ever need any!).  I am still very passionate about health and fitness and spend a lot of time running. (I try to always be training for something.)  I trained to do a progressive 4 for the 4th run in July, and fell and injured my ankle about a mile in to my ten mile run.  I did complete the 10 mile race and went on to finish the Half Marathon the following morning, but it's been a long road of recovery since, and I'm pretty sure my ankle will never be 100% again. You can read about that HERE.  I ran several 5k's, 10k's, and half marathons this year, and I'm currently training for another progressive 4 day challenge in January (5k, 10k, Half Marathon, Full Marathon 4 days in a row). You can read about that HERE.  We shall see if this is something I will be able to complete or not... I teach a fun and very energetic group of 2nd Graders on Wednesday night at church. (Well, I'm not sure how much they are actually learning, but hopefully they are at least feeling well loved #smile). When I'm not working, caking, training, mom-ing, wife-ing, etc I still love to take photos, scrapbook, read, and blog.

Bailey:
Bailey works full time for Kuiken Farms where he drives semi hauling cattle and helps around the farm and fields as needed. He also helps out hauling milk at Roorda Dairy on occasion, and also has his own shop and storage business called Moonlite Garage.  During the winter you can also usually find him out and about in a skid loader clearing snow in the area. He is 22 and living in Alton. He enjoyed boating and slow pitch this summer, and made it to the lake camping a few times. He also went on vacation with my parents camping at Starbuck, MN this summer and had a great time! He has a super loyal dog named Hinstley, and he still loves all things camo as well.  He is also out hunting whenever he has the time. We love having him stop over and hanging out with us, and I just love the picts of the sunsets and sunrises he sends me quite often.

Isaiah:
Isaiah is 11 and in the 6th grade.  He is busy in school and enjoying sports.  He loves legos and PlayStation and watching tv shows like Dude Perfect, How It's Make, Mythbusters and America's Funniest Home Videos.  He volunteered at the library this summer and loved getting to take his bike there and back and just having some larger freedoms and responsibilities.

Piper and Lily:
This fall we had to make the hard decision to move Lily to my parents house.  Here we thought she was going to be long gone two years ago already, and here she is, still alive and doing really well actually.  However, she was just not being very nice to Piper and we were at a bit of a loss as to what to do.  While we are sad and miss her in our house terribly, it is so nice getting to see her any time we stop at my parents, and to say that my parents are loving her well is an understatement.

We want to wish all of you and your families a very Merry Christmas.

We pray that you can all find some time to reflect over the past year and count all your many blessings.  We also hope that you are able to find moments of true joy and happiness this season. The holidays are a tricky time of year for most of us, and not always quite as joyful and happy as the tvs and social media portray.  It is our sincere hope and prayer that everyone will be touched by God's grace and goodness this season, and that the coming year will bring you blessings beyond your wildest imagination.

Blessings and hugs from our family to yours
Brian, Sara, Bailey & Isaiah


{ Next blog post "Keep the Focus 2020" HERE }

{ Previous blog post "Endurance Outside the Box - Inside the House" HERE }