I dread Mother’s Day.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and adore my own mother and want to celebrate her greatness. I love and adore my mother-in-law and also want to celebrate her greatness.
And then things start to get a little dicey.
I’m a mom myself – but to be honest, I don't often feel “celebrated”. Yes, there may be a homemade card from school and there might be a last minute gift my husband could pick up on his way home from the lake to greet me with after my long morning of working at church, but overall – I’m just in this overlooked and under appreciated vortex of motherhood right now filled with long days at work outside the home, sandwiched between meal planning, laundry, cleaning, and traveling to and from pee-wee sports on the home front. And yes I am fully aware that being “celebrated” does not have to include the mushy cards and expensive gifts portrayed on all the tv commercials right now. But a mom can dream can't she? I guess, I just long to be noticed, appreciated, and thanked for all the things I do... (But I don't think I'm actually supposed to admit that out loud.)
Yes, as I stated early, I am a mom myself and some of you are wondering why any mom would dread Mother’s Day. Well, I have a biological adult son, from a previous marriage, who is in college and whom I don't see much of these days. He might realize what day it is and show up for a few minutes to chat, but he might not, and that’s ok. I have an adopted elementary age son who has both me and a birthmom to consider when he talks about his mom, and that's ok too. And he is too young to shop or take on any kind of “celebration planning” on his own so that all falls primarily on my husband, and let’s just say, as hinted upon earlier... he is not a pre-thinking gift-giver kind of guy, and that's just who he is... so that's ok too. And I have a daughter who was stillborn (after sixteen years of infertility) and is forever asleep in the cemetery across town, which I'm not ok with, but I can't do anything to change that.
Needless to say, Mother’s Day is not one of my favorite days of the year.
What I think is hardest for me on Mother’s Day is this crazy odd mix of wanting to really be celebrated and recognized for what I all do without having to actually do it myself, yet fully celebrate the gift of my mother, my mother-in-law and my children, while also being very aware of various degrees of pain and hurt within me and many others around me that revolve around the word “mother”.
That’s like a tie-dye of emotional messes right there.
There are so many that will lie in bed not wanting to get up. Not wanting to face having to go to church and family dinner. Not wanting to breathe in the social media onslaught of another Mother’s Day. Our hearts are heavy, our eyes are wet… and while we do want to celebrate those who are and can be celebrated, it’s just not always that easy. And for many, it’s another benchmark of another passed year. Another year when you hoped things would be different by… but they aren’t.
There are the strong and amazing single women waiting for God to answer their prayer for a husband and someday start a family of their own… Mother’s Day is hard for her in the wait. There are single moms who do it all themselves day in and day out… Mother’s Day is hard for her amid the unbelievable weight of her wait. There are wives who are waiting for God to answer their prayers for the gift of child… Mother’s Day is hard for her in the hopeless and empty wait. There are birthmoms who chose life and gave the gift of motherhood to another woman… Mother’s Day is hard for her as she thinks of the child that she didn’t keep in her arms and raise as her own, and she waits and wonders if someday she may get the chance to re-unite. There are adoptive moms who became moms because of someone else's loss… Mother’s Day is a bittersweet mix of gratefulness and utter heartache over the magnitude of loss that she knows was given to her. There are those who were adopted… Mother’s Day is hard as they celebrate their adoptive mother while wondering about who and/or where their biological mother is and question some of their own identity issues. There are mothers who have lost their children to death… Mother’s Day is hard for her as she struggles with the “whys” and having to wait until she will be reunited with her lost precious little ones again someday in Heaven. There are mothers whose children have rebelled, made poor choices, walked away, are in jail or some other personal prison… Mother’s Day is hard for her as she waits and prays diligently over the lost and broken, longing for their return. There are those who desperately miss their own mothers who were lost to old age, cancer, or other illness or tragedies at a much younger age… Mother’s Day is hard as they wait to be reunited again in Heaven and oh how they long for just one more day to hug her and tell her how much she was loved…
To all of you who are sad, lonely, hurting, and confused amid the various levels and degrees of the “celebration” this Mother’s Day, know you are not alone. Many will not voice it, many will remain silent and smile with a little smile trying to convince ourselves and the world that all is fine…
But it’s not all fine… and that’s ok.
It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be a crazy mix of emotions on Mother’s Day.
It is my prayer that this Mother’s Day we can somehow figure out how to conquer all this “trickiness” and celebrate all our own mothers in some special way. I hope we can honor and remember all those mothers who are gone, and I hope we can all be mindful and filled with grace, love, and compassion for those who are struggling with whatever mama hurts are in their hearts. The world at large will celebrate with a big hurrah this Mother’s Day, but just because the calendar states it’s a national holiday, doesn’t mean it’s going to be one hundred percent perfect and filled with reasons to celebrate on the grander scale of things for every single person.
Watch closely for those at church or in your family or friend gatherings with tears, recognize those who are absent from regular activities, reach out with purpose to those who you know might need a special touch or little word of encouragement and hope, and within all of your lovin’ and celebratin’ with your families – just remember not everyone has been granted the gift of motherhood yet that has asked for it, and not every mother is filled with the full desire to celebrate (but I guarantee every mother probably IS filled with the desire TO BE extravagantly celebrated). {wink wink, hint hint}
Ohhhh please, don’t read this and feel guilty or bad... I simply ask to just be aware and sensitive of all those around you. Be kind, be loving, be considerate, and be gracious in all your thoughts, words, and deeds on this wonderfully awesome and oddly not-so-awesome holiday of Mother’s Day.
And to my mom - I {heart} you to the moon and back {#rockstar}!
{ next blog post, "Trisomy 18" HERE }
{ Previous blog post, "Waiting on Test Results" HERE }
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