~~~ Flashback Post ~~~
To The Specialty Clinic {Part 2} (Feb 17, 2015)
{Missed Specialty Clinic Part 1? click HERE}
She put the warm jelly on my stomach, put the wand down,
and immediately the black screen came to life. It was a picture that looked just like
all those other coveted (and hated) ultrasound photos that are plastered all over
social media with their announcements, updates, and hundreds of “likes” and
“congratulations” comments...
While I was still frantically watching for a
heartbeat, my husband suddenly leaded forward, pointed, and exclaimed “Oh, it just moved!”
Alive – still alive! He had been able to witness
his own biological flesh and blood alive and moving! I sucked in a deep breath, put my hand over
my forehead, then pressed it down firmly between
my chest, attempting to keep my shaking and crying under control. I squeezed his hand with a crazymans grip as we watched her go through all the motions and clicks and
measurements. And then she switched from
3D to 4D imagery and it was so real. We couldn't take our eyes off the screen. We couldn't take the smiles off our faces. We had waited so long for this moment. It maybe wasn't "ideal" ~ but it WAS real!
She was trying to get a measurement of the fluid on the back
of the neck and head area, but wasn't able to, so she had stopped,
turned on the light, asking me to get up and walk around for a little
bit, hoping the baby would change positions. There were photos that had been printing out of the machine that we peeked at after she left the room… it was such a crazy time of mixed emotions.
The doctor walked in and introduced himself. We sat down together, and he sat down on the
short round chair on wheels in front of us and started talking. He said he had seen enough of the ultrasound
so far to know that there was a definite issue with the baby. He explained that a small collection of the
fluid at the back of the head was usually a sign of multiple things. A measurement of 2-3 was serious, a 4-5 was
very serious… and our baby was at a 7-10. Our smiles and excitement instantly gone. We sat very quiet and very still.
He started talking about the test options we had, he started talking about the possible conditions it might be, we again heard "high risk pregnancy" and "possible
miscarriage". He had mentioned more than
once a chromosome sex condition called Turner Syndrome, and my brain, in all it’s naivety, was suddenly trying to grasp having a child that would be neither male nor
female… As he continued to talk I finally interrupted him and asked
him to clarify… He backtracked
and explained that it is a rare condition that only effects the Y
chromosome of girls. Girls born with Turner Syndrome are very
short, infertile, but could go on to have a fairly normal life. They could go to college, get married, and have
normal brain function. The hardest part was carrying them to term, they often passed away sometime in the third trimester.
I quickly decided
I could deal with Turner Syndrome.
He had also mentioned Down Syndrome and a few others that he said they rarely see, and again the conversation was back to our testing options. We could do a basic genetic blood test, we could have a CVS test (a Chorionic Villus Sampling test which is similar to amniocentesis but for the earlier first twelve week period during a pregnancy) or we could wait until fifteen weeks and have an amniocentesis. He was going over the increased risk of miscarriage during the both the CVS and amniocentesis procedures. The risk was low, but still something we needed to take into consideration.
I was put back on the ultrasound table and he moved the wand around and poked on my stomach… They were asking so many questions and everything needed an immediate answer. We finally asked for a few minutes alone to talk. My initial gut had wanted to wait for the amnio, but we decided to just go ahead with the CVS test that day since we really didn’t want to have to wait another three weeks… The doctor came in, we told him our decision, and they began preparing the paperwork and needed equipment. For a few minutes I laid on the table, looking up at the ceiling tiles, desperately wanting to pray, but I had no words. I only had tears. So many tears. The procedure frightened me and I felt so unsettled.
A nurse came back in with paperwork to sign and asked if we were feeling any pressure to have the test done. We had said we weren’t. The Genetic Counselor came in to talk to us about the actual procedure and the time frame of the results. The insurance lady came in talked about the pre-approval for the procedure and wondered if we had a different insurance card, because the card on record was one from three years prior and they had denied the pre-approval. All things insurance makes me fall apart. My husband handed her our brand new card, to the brand new insurance plan we'd been on for less than three weeks. Suddenly a myriad of insurance fears raced through my mind, as I had in fact been pregnant before starting this new insurance plan and the words "pre-existing condition" screamed inside my head. Before I could let that panic set in, the nurse was back with a tray full of instruments needed for procedure. In and out, in and out. Alone... and then people in the room. Alone... and then people in the room.
The Genetic Counselor came in again. She sat down and told us the doctor had wanted her to come talk with us while we were waiting and discuss the basic genetic blood work option. The test with absolutely zero risk to increase miscarriage, the test we basically had forgotten about amid all our discussion whether to do the CVS test that day or to wait for the amnio. Suddenly a light kind of dawned and we backtracked a little. The signed CVS consent paperwork was in my hand. We asked if it was too late to change our our mind, and just do the blood work test instead. Before I could take a breath, the nurse, the counselor, and the doctor were all in and they were talking and expressing that was a good choice, that I maybe was really already past the point for the CVS test to even be totally accurate. We just felt like they had wanted us to change our mind, but had not been at all pushy or intrusive. I backed up our decision to change, and felt an incredible weight lift.
They threw the paperwork away and they started filling out new paperwork to order the genetic blood test. Suddenly I stopped amid the commotion and asked the initial burning question – What about my bleeding? My three months of bleeding? What about the hormone numbers that didn’t double from my blood work test at our local clinic?
The doctor calmly told us that sometimes bleeding is“normal” for some women… While yes I was at a huge risk of miscarriage, after the ultrasound, he did not believe I was currently in the middle of a miscarriage. As for my hormone levels, he replied that some women don’t ever get to the level I was currently at… Apparently the initial increase occurs very early on in a pregnancy. By twelve weeks, the uterus and baby's hormones take over and start producing what they need. Oh my gosh, all that worrying over those hormone levels and miscarriage those previous days were apparently not of any real concern from this doctors view.
What an emotional roller coaster. Absolute roller coaster.
He had also mentioned Down Syndrome and a few others that he said they rarely see, and again the conversation was back to our testing options. We could do a basic genetic blood test, we could have a CVS test (a Chorionic Villus Sampling test which is similar to amniocentesis but for the earlier first twelve week period during a pregnancy) or we could wait until fifteen weeks and have an amniocentesis. He was going over the increased risk of miscarriage during the both the CVS and amniocentesis procedures. The risk was low, but still something we needed to take into consideration.
I was put back on the ultrasound table and he moved the wand around and poked on my stomach… They were asking so many questions and everything needed an immediate answer. We finally asked for a few minutes alone to talk. My initial gut had wanted to wait for the amnio, but we decided to just go ahead with the CVS test that day since we really didn’t want to have to wait another three weeks… The doctor came in, we told him our decision, and they began preparing the paperwork and needed equipment. For a few minutes I laid on the table, looking up at the ceiling tiles, desperately wanting to pray, but I had no words. I only had tears. So many tears. The procedure frightened me and I felt so unsettled.
A nurse came back in with paperwork to sign and asked if we were feeling any pressure to have the test done. We had said we weren’t. The Genetic Counselor came in to talk to us about the actual procedure and the time frame of the results. The insurance lady came in talked about the pre-approval for the procedure and wondered if we had a different insurance card, because the card on record was one from three years prior and they had denied the pre-approval. All things insurance makes me fall apart. My husband handed her our brand new card, to the brand new insurance plan we'd been on for less than three weeks. Suddenly a myriad of insurance fears raced through my mind, as I had in fact been pregnant before starting this new insurance plan and the words "pre-existing condition" screamed inside my head. Before I could let that panic set in, the nurse was back with a tray full of instruments needed for procedure. In and out, in and out. Alone... and then people in the room. Alone... and then people in the room.
The Genetic Counselor came in again. She sat down and told us the doctor had wanted her to come talk with us while we were waiting and discuss the basic genetic blood work option. The test with absolutely zero risk to increase miscarriage, the test we basically had forgotten about amid all our discussion whether to do the CVS test that day or to wait for the amnio. Suddenly a light kind of dawned and we backtracked a little. The signed CVS consent paperwork was in my hand. We asked if it was too late to change our our mind, and just do the blood work test instead. Before I could take a breath, the nurse, the counselor, and the doctor were all in and they were talking and expressing that was a good choice, that I maybe was really already past the point for the CVS test to even be totally accurate. We just felt like they had wanted us to change our mind, but had not been at all pushy or intrusive. I backed up our decision to change, and felt an incredible weight lift.
They threw the paperwork away and they started filling out new paperwork to order the genetic blood test. Suddenly I stopped amid the commotion and asked the initial burning question – What about my bleeding? My three months of bleeding? What about the hormone numbers that didn’t double from my blood work test at our local clinic?
The doctor calmly told us that sometimes bleeding is“normal” for some women… While yes I was at a huge risk of miscarriage, after the ultrasound, he did not believe I was currently in the middle of a miscarriage. As for my hormone levels, he replied that some women don’t ever get to the level I was currently at… Apparently the initial increase occurs very early on in a pregnancy. By twelve weeks, the uterus and baby's hormones take over and start producing what they need. Oh my gosh, all that worrying over those hormone levels and miscarriage those previous days were apparently not of any real concern from this doctors view.
What an emotional roller coaster. Absolute roller coaster.
The doctor ended the appointment requesting I continue with very light duty (almost bed rest), not to lift over fifteen
pounds, not travel far from a hospital, and no sex. I asked what I could take to help me sleep (I was desperate for sleep!),
and they wrote a prescription for a sleeping pill. The Genetic Counselor had our lab paperwork
and walked us down for the blood draw. We set up a followup appointment for three
weeks later, when we would in fact have the amino done, as a followup confirmation
to whatever we found out from the blood work.
We went down to the second floor waiting
room. A lady with very fake French manicured nails took my blood –
three very large viles full. She was
probably the least chatty or friendly person we had encountered the entire
day. The viles were placed in a small
square box, in little foam cutout areas that were laser cut specifically for each vile. The box would soon be in route to a special lab in California.
We left the building, pulled onto the road to travel away from the hospital, and I couldn’t help but breath in deep, oddly enough I almost felt like a weight had been lifted, despite not leaving with good news overall. I asked my husband how he felt, and he had reflected the same feeling. This was anything but ideal, but we knew we were exactly where we needed to be, with what appeared to be an amazing nursing staff and doctor.
We wiped our tears, and we put on our “everything is great” face...
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