Two years later, one unexpected day in August we got a message that three female puppies had just been born and we were next on the list if we were still interested. We ended up saying saying yes, and we didn’t tell anyone. The weekend I went to run my first ever in person half marathon, we stopped to pick which puppy of the liter we would like. Well, she chose me and I had no complaints. A few weeks later my mom and I traveled five hours to pick her up.
And she was not healthy.
And in the end I would leave her there and drive away without her. I would stop at the covered bridge that was in that town, take a few photos, dry my tears, and drive home without our much anticipated newest member of the family. Again.
You can read more of that story HERE.
And then we flew off to Florida a month later for vacation, and as we were driving home at some crazy late hour in utter exhaustion, we would find out that that little puppy was still sick, still available, and really just needing to be adopted and into a home so she could hopefully get better. The only kicker – they had someone that was leaving at 6am the following morning and could drop her off at our house on their way through, and we had to make basically an immediate decision. In the car, in our exhaustion, while trying to talk about it without actually talking about it, because Isaiah was in the backseat. Thank goodness for headphones.
Long story short… the next morning our little #piperjoy would arrive. She still has some health issues, but… she is ours and we are hers and we love her to bits!
Fast forward a year, and this time it was Brian wanting to put our name on the waiting list for a specific female hunting dog that isn’t readily available. This one was a little more than just say – “hey, put us on your list…” This one involved forms and paperwork and application approvals and deposits and proof of being a hunter, and photos of our family and house and yard and other pets…
And from the very start I stated it was very similar to what we did when we went through the adoption process for Isaiah.
After a while we were approved and chosen at two places and we decided which place we would officially choose to put our name on, and we officially became an adoptive dog family in waiting. And just like with Isaiah we said, well, it's in God's hands and we'll see how long it takes.
And then we journeyed through covid. And then the following spring we found out we were the first ones that didn’t make the puppy call list for that year. Placing us first on the list for this spring. And again we discussed contacting a different breeder, but again went back to our adoption journey, and just like then, we decided to not change, and continue to wait, and continue to trust God's timing.
And she was not healthy.
And in the end I would leave her there and drive away without her. I would stop at the covered bridge that was in that town, take a few photos, dry my tears, and drive home without our much anticipated newest member of the family. Again.
You can read more of that story HERE.
And then we flew off to Florida a month later for vacation, and as we were driving home at some crazy late hour in utter exhaustion, we would find out that that little puppy was still sick, still available, and really just needing to be adopted and into a home so she could hopefully get better. The only kicker – they had someone that was leaving at 6am the following morning and could drop her off at our house on their way through, and we had to make basically an immediate decision. In the car, in our exhaustion, while trying to talk about it without actually talking about it, because Isaiah was in the backseat. Thank goodness for headphones.
Long story short… the next morning our little #piperjoy would arrive. She still has some health issues, but… she is ours and we are hers and we love her to bits!
Fast forward a year, and this time it was Brian wanting to put our name on the waiting list for a specific female hunting dog that isn’t readily available. This one was a little more than just say – “hey, put us on your list…” This one involved forms and paperwork and application approvals and deposits and proof of being a hunter, and photos of our family and house and yard and other pets…
And from the very start I stated it was very similar to what we did when we went through the adoption process for Isaiah.
After a while we were approved and chosen at two places and we decided which place we would officially choose to put our name on, and we officially became an adoptive dog family in waiting. And just like with Isaiah we said, well, it's in God's hands and we'll see how long it takes.
And then we journeyed through covid. And then the following spring we found out we were the first ones that didn’t make the puppy call list for that year. Placing us first on the list for this spring. And again we discussed contacting a different breeder, but again went back to our adoption journey, and just like then, we decided to not change, and continue to wait, and continue to trust God's timing.
I guess I need to stop here and admit that this is a larger sized dog, and a hunting dog, and well, I really didn’t want to get one, and I did not want it in the house and I did not want to go through all the crazy work of training a puppy. But I told myself it was going to be Brian’s dog, it would be in the garage and it would not be my worry.
And I lie through my teeth. I have never met a dog I have not completely fallen in love with. We all know this. But I did continue to firmly say I did not want this dog. Period.
And then this spring Brian told me he’d gotten a call from the breeder. Oh, that’s right… this “might” be “the year” of the puppy. (#ugh i sighed under my breath) I kind of laughed that it had been two years… the same amount of time we’d been on our adoption wait list before being chosen by our birthmom.
And then a call came and Brian looked at his phone and did the loud whisper – “It’s the dog guy!! This is maybe THE CALL!” and my eyes got big and one hand covered my mouth while my other covered my heart.
Listening to him as I stood in our kitchen watching him take that call and hearing… “Oh shoot, but it’s ok. That is just the way nature works. We know all about failed pregnancies and infertility, it’s just part of life…” It was an update that it didn’t look like the dog had been successfully breed.
Well, if that didn’t tug at my mom heart strings just a little. And I mean of course – why would something in our family journey actual be easy (and fertile)? lol
And then another call came that maybe she was, the pregnancy tests just weren’t consistent. There would be an ultrasound in a month to confirm. And wouldn’t you know it… A confirmed pregnancy. But with a small liter.
It was all getting a little too much for me to have to keep trying to emotionally process. All this for a puppy I didn’t “actually” even want, right?
Life was busy, and a few weeks passed and there was another phone call. And this time I was sitting on a chair in the living room watching Brian take the call, and again hearing… “Oh I am so sorry, that is so sad…” catching bits and pieces, not enough to know what was actually happening but enough to know it wasn’t something good.
And then he hung up. The puppies had been born the day before. There were three puppies. Two were stillborn. One was born alive. It was a female. It was ours.
And Isaiah was in the chair and afterwards I said - "oh that was THE CALL buddy! And it was kind of just like when we got THE CALL about YOU!"
But oh for the love! I had tears and all the extreme emotions. And kept just thinking, “Why is this always the kind of story of how everything goes in our family?” But we also couldn’t get over the fact that there was one puppy. One. A female, that had lived. And she was ours. Oh what a story.
Except, that wasn’t actually the end of our story. Yet again, two days later we would get another call and find out that our family would in fact NOT be growing by four paws, again.
Our little puppy… had passed away when she was three days old.
And for the person who said she really didn’t want the puppy in the first place, I was absolutely devastated. Devastated.
Why would God do this to us again? Why was this the answer yet again? And I found myself moving very quickly from grief and loss to anger. Anger at God for delivering this news into our lap yet again.
I rolled my eyes with a bitter little laugh. Damnit! Why?!? I mean really, WHY?
I can’t be the mom who got to take her long awaited daughter home after all those years of infertility and longing and prayers and doctoring and waiting. And now I can’t be the mom to drive to another town (a town with a covered bridge at that - how ironic, right – AND it’s a bridge I haven’t been to yet and couldn’t wait to get the call to travel to come get the puppy) and get to pick up a cute squirrely wiggly little puppy to take home and officially welcome to our family.
Why in the world did God keep granting this reality to us?
A few weeks later we found ourselves having to stay in the town where I'd driven to initially pick up our #piperjoy. It was bittersweet thinking about that trip and the ache and tears of driving away without her, even though six weeks later she would still end up joining our family unexpectedly. I got up to early to run through that covered bridge the following morning, and got a #pupdate from back home from my mom with a picture of her hanging out on the top of their couch waiting for us to come home.
While we were struggling through the reality of this story, I had said I wasn’t going to share this story. I wasn’t going to write about it. It was just a stupid puppy, right?
And yet, as we drove those five hours again to that town, and as I was on the trail to that covered bridge and got out to take pictures of it, just like I had mere minutes after we’d driven away without the puppy we had just driven five hours to pick up… I couldn’t help but feel that I did in fact need to try find the words to share this.
It’s just so an “us” thing. So many parallel similarities to our adoption and wait with Isaiah, and also so many parallel similarities to our wait and loss with Faith.
And none of it makes sense, and none of it was easy, and yet all of it was God ordained for us in our journey, as we have simply been asked to trust and remain faithful in our journey to faith.
But oh for the love! I had tears and all the extreme emotions. And kept just thinking, “Why is this always the kind of story of how everything goes in our family?” But we also couldn’t get over the fact that there was one puppy. One. A female, that had lived. And she was ours. Oh what a story.
Except, that wasn’t actually the end of our story. Yet again, two days later we would get another call and find out that our family would in fact NOT be growing by four paws, again.
Our little puppy… had passed away when she was three days old.
And for the person who said she really didn’t want the puppy in the first place, I was absolutely devastated. Devastated.
Why would God do this to us again? Why was this the answer yet again? And I found myself moving very quickly from grief and loss to anger. Anger at God for delivering this news into our lap yet again.
I rolled my eyes with a bitter little laugh. Damnit! Why?!? I mean really, WHY?
I can’t be the mom who got to take her long awaited daughter home after all those years of infertility and longing and prayers and doctoring and waiting. And now I can’t be the mom to drive to another town (a town with a covered bridge at that - how ironic, right – AND it’s a bridge I haven’t been to yet and couldn’t wait to get the call to travel to come get the puppy) and get to pick up a cute squirrely wiggly little puppy to take home and officially welcome to our family.
Why in the world did God keep granting this reality to us?
A few weeks later we found ourselves having to stay in the town where I'd driven to initially pick up our #piperjoy. It was bittersweet thinking about that trip and the ache and tears of driving away without her, even though six weeks later she would still end up joining our family unexpectedly. I got up to early to run through that covered bridge the following morning, and got a #pupdate from back home from my mom with a picture of her hanging out on the top of their couch waiting for us to come home.
While we were struggling through the reality of this story, I had said I wasn’t going to share this story. I wasn’t going to write about it. It was just a stupid puppy, right?
And yet, as we drove those five hours again to that town, and as I was on the trail to that covered bridge and got out to take pictures of it, just like I had mere minutes after we’d driven away without the puppy we had just driven five hours to pick up… I couldn’t help but feel that I did in fact need to try find the words to share this.
It’s just so an “us” thing. So many parallel similarities to our adoption and wait with Isaiah, and also so many parallel similarities to our wait and loss with Faith.
And none of it makes sense, and none of it was easy, and yet all of it was God ordained for us in our journey, as we have simply been asked to trust and remain faithful in our journey to faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment