The Graduate

Yesterday I watched my twenty year old cross the stage and get his college diploma. Wow, what bittersweet mama moment. He is now “officially” an adult (at least in my eyes… he has considered himself “officially” an adult since about two minutes after his high school graduation. {wink})

A college graduate. Who knew!?!

Fifteen years ago in October we sat in our first initial meeting with the school about some academic concerns the school had with his progress. We would enter into a year of doctoring and testing and our first ever IEP meeting. He was diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia. He got supplemental help in the resource room, and I became his greatest advocate. We would spend hours together reading and studying and pouring over homework together.  Bless his heart, he always tried so incredibly hard.

IEPs, Resource rooms, children’s speciality clinic appointments, tutors, and diligent work one-on-one at home would continue through his entire elementary, middle school, and high school years. He worked so hard and we were beyond proud and excited to watch him receive his high school diploma.

He went and took the tests needed to enroll in a local tech college. More tutoring would ensue, with re-testing and finally acceptance, and soon fall classes started and he was officially a college student. And he was officially spreading his wings of independence.

I’ve learned that parenting an adult child is just as difficult as trudging through the trenches of toddlerhood and all the craziness of young childhood… it’s only different. Parenting from a afar, from a distance, for me has been hard. Parenting in the present that only relies on what how you’ve parented in the past is trying. To trust all the work, and all the words, you’ve said before is hard.

And all that crazy stuff everyone says about enjoying your kids while they’re young because they grow up so fast and are gone… well it’s actually not a line of BS to roll your eyes at… it’s the God’s honest truth. What I wouldn’t give for a little bit more time to go back and be more intentional, be more involved, be more fully present. But I can’t… I am left to merely sit and pray and patiently wait for him to remember to stop over for a minute or two every once-in-a-while. Pray for him to hopefully remember to go to church, to make wise choices, to be wise with his time, talents, money management, and relationships. I’m left to bite my tongue and wipe my tears in silence, left to rejoice and watch successes from a distance, left to just plead with the Lord that He continues to live and breathe and find happiness and success, whatever that may be through his eyes, not mine.

I never doubted that a college degree was something he couldn’t achieve, but I also never fully allowed myself to clutch tightly to the expectation of completion. He could be successful in life with or without a college degree.  I didn’t want to be disappointed in him if he didn’t make it all the way through college. I didn’t want the hovering shadow of my disappointment to have to lay on his shoulders, so I hoped… and I prayed… but I was also prepared for it to not happen.

But it did happen. He worked hard, he persevered, and low-and-behold, he stood there yesterday in his cap and gown, over his dirty jeans, work boots, and grease stained fingers, and they called his name, and he crossed that stage, was handed that diploma with a firm hand shake - and he officially became a college alum.

Of course I had tears and overflowing emotions as I watched him march in with all the other students, the graduation pomp and circumstance playing over the speakers. Of course I was proud ~ bursting at the seams proud. He had done all of this, all of his college career, on his own. The only time I had contacted the college about anything, was to inquire about the graduation ceremony details (praying the entire time they weren’t going to tell me the reason we hadn’t received any information wasn’t due to the fact that he wasn’t graduating…) Nope, he was on the roster, he had been given the information, he just hadn’t remembered to actually give the information to us, something which didn’t surprise us in the least. {wink} He completed it all on his own. All the loans, all the paperwork, all the homework, all the assignments, all the tests. I didn’t ask, I didn’t log on to check grades and attendance, I just didn’t.

Be he had. He had done it all, and he had done it well enough to achieve his degree. He became a college graduate yesterday. He became an official adult yesterday. He has so very very many challenges, obstacles, decisions, choices, and memories to still make, but knowing the sweet taste of accomplishment and success of being a college graduate is an amazing building block in which to tackle your life with, to firmly stand upon, to build upon, to climb upward from.

Congratulations my dear twenty year old. You have worked so hard, you have accomplished great things, and you have made your dear mama so proud. It is my prayer that you will continue to strive for excellence and greatness, that you will make wise choices and do the right things, even when the wrong things seem so much more exciting, easy, and fun. Live well, love well, and may your days and years continue on and be filled with success, laughter, and joy overflowing.

And never forget, no matter what ~ I will always love you. I will always have an extra seat at the table for you, I will always have have an extra minute, or hour, or day for you. I will always be there with a hug and to back you up, root you on, and have an encouraging word to lift you up. So if you think of it, don’t forget to send me a text every-now-and-again, and stop over to chat every once-in-a-while… Because I also miss you more than you’ll ever realize… or at least more than you’ll ever realize until that one day when you’re sitting at the table missing your own child and remember just how it felt when you were his age and just a little too busy and a little too “adult” to remember or need your mama {wink}…

The entire world is before you right now my son, dare to always dream big and just go for it. Be great, be successful, and most importantly, be filled with a joy-filled soul and a giving-abundant heart.  God has an amazing journey planned for you, and I can't wait to continue to watch your life and loves unfold and blossom in your days and years to come.

Rock the world my rockstar! Rock the world!

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