A pathway through suffering to the heart of God
As I’ve said before, I have come to trust that most books that come into my path and are given to me, have God’s hand in their journey to my hands.
One day several months ago I was at work and someone came in to talk to me. She felt called to stop and to give me this book. After a meaningful and filling conversation, we hugged and she left the book on my counter. I did not immediately pick it up and dive in. It wasn’t until several months later that I actually opened up the book and started reading beyond the front and back cover.
I have to admit, I was honestly shocked to realize the book was about the loss of the authors infant daughter who suffered from a rare genetic disease. Honestly, nowhere on the outside of the book was this little detail shared. I honestly got about five pages in and wasn’t sure I wanted to continue reading. But I did. It was a hard read, but it was also a good read. As I continued to turn the pages, I did find myself knowing that had I tried to get through this book any earlier, I would not have been able to. I would not have been at a place where I was just ever-so-slightly ahead of that initial bottom-of-the-barrel intense pain and lost-ness the author is initially addresses and holding her hand out to her readers to grab onto. I was a few baby steps into my healing and self awareness of my loss and pain, which allowed me to actually be able to let myself venture in just a little deeper and a little further in the healing journey.
The author paralleled her story of loss with the story of Job, and at the end of the book there is an 8 week study with daily questions and points to ponder. It would be great for a personal study, or within the circles of a group bible study. While reading this book, I found myself going back into the book of Job and diving deeper into this book of the Bible I tend to completely ignore. I read the story for the story it was, and I went back and started reading it all again, looking at it closer and more personally within the context of grief and loss.
I did get myself through the book, and it was a well written book, it just hit really, really close to home for me. I have not been able to get myself to pick it back up and commit to walking myself through the daily 8 week Bible study though. I photocopied the lessons and slid them into the pages of my Bible. I look at it on occasion and think it is something I know I should do, but I’m not exactly at the point of having it be something I want to do. Sometimes we do just need to do that which we don’t want. Sometimes it’s just easy to put that need off a little longer.
Quote “The day after we buried Hope, my husband said to me, ‘You know, I think we expected our faith to make this hurt less, but it doesn’t. Our faith gave us an incredible amount of strength and encouragement while we had Hope, and we are comforted by the knowledge that she is in heaven. Our faith keeps us from being swallowed by despair. But I don’t think it makes our loss hurt any less.’”
Carry On, Warrior – Glennon Doyle Melton
Thoughts On Life Unarmed
This is a book I borrowed (you know, because I’m all out of money to order any of my list of waiting amazon books...) and took on vacation. I read it in one day. Less than 24 hours. I couldn’t put it down. It wasn’t my book so I didn’t underline anything, but basically, this book – this author, could have been living inside my head. I could not get over how much I connected with this author as I read her book. The crazy inside her head – totally matches the crazy inside my head. Scary close really.
Thoughts On Life Unarmed
This is a book I borrowed (you know, because I’m all out of money to order any of my list of waiting amazon books...) and took on vacation. I read it in one day. Less than 24 hours. I couldn’t put it down. It wasn’t my book so I didn’t underline anything, but basically, this book – this author, could have been living inside my head. I could not get over how much I connected with this author as I read her book. The crazy inside her head – totally matches the crazy inside my head. Scary close really.
I had read some of Glennon’s momastery.com blog posts, but I’m not a faithful follower. I have watched her TedTalk, which I loved, and she pops up now-and-again in my facebook feed, which I sometimes click on and sometimes don’t. I was fairly certain it was a book I’d enjoy, I wasn’t prepared how spot on I connected with most of her writing and thoughts.
So, what is this book about you’re probably thinking. Ummmm… life. Real life stuff. Messy, obsessive, control, addiction, eating disorders, grace, kids, husband, relationships, family, forgiveness, fear, hard work, mom work, wife work, trying to be enough, failing, winning, trying… and a beautiful testimony of God’s presence and love woven all throughout. As I read it I couldn’t help but think two things – One: there might actually be other people out in this world dealing with an internal and external “crazy” besides myself (here I thought I had to honestly be the only one day-in-and-day out simply trying to survive myself, let alone survive what the rest of what the world is trying to fling at me) or Two: there are going to be people who pick this book up, and have no idea what in the world this Glennon is talking about, with a raised eyebrow and odd expression on their faces. I personally just found it refreshing to realize, maybe it’s not just me… I am not alone…
Book Quote “When you start to feel, do. When you start to feel scared because you don’t have enough money, find someone to offer a little money. When you start to feel like you don’t have enough love, find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated and unacknowledged, appreciate and acknowledge someone else in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. Then find a tangible way to make today somebody else’s luck day. These strategies help me sidestep wallowing every day”
Book Quote 2 “I pray and pray for God to help me feel some peace and stillness in the midst of my mommy life instead of feeling constantly like a dormant volcano likely to erupt at any given moment and burn my entire family alive. And God say: Well G, here’s the thing. Peace isn’t the absence of distraction or annoyance or pain. It’s finding Me, finding peace and calm, in the midst of those distractions and annoyances and pains.”
So, what is this book about you’re probably thinking. Ummmm… life. Real life stuff. Messy, obsessive, control, addiction, eating disorders, grace, kids, husband, relationships, family, forgiveness, fear, hard work, mom work, wife work, trying to be enough, failing, winning, trying… and a beautiful testimony of God’s presence and love woven all throughout. As I read it I couldn’t help but think two things – One: there might actually be other people out in this world dealing with an internal and external “crazy” besides myself (here I thought I had to honestly be the only one day-in-and-day out simply trying to survive myself, let alone survive what the rest of what the world is trying to fling at me) or Two: there are going to be people who pick this book up, and have no idea what in the world this Glennon is talking about, with a raised eyebrow and odd expression on their faces. I personally just found it refreshing to realize, maybe it’s not just me… I am not alone…
Book Quote “When you start to feel, do. When you start to feel scared because you don’t have enough money, find someone to offer a little money. When you start to feel like you don’t have enough love, find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated and unacknowledged, appreciate and acknowledge someone else in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. Then find a tangible way to make today somebody else’s luck day. These strategies help me sidestep wallowing every day”
Book Quote 2 “I pray and pray for God to help me feel some peace and stillness in the midst of my mommy life instead of feeling constantly like a dormant volcano likely to erupt at any given moment and burn my entire family alive. And God say: Well G, here’s the thing. Peace isn’t the absence of distraction or annoyance or pain. It’s finding Me, finding peace and calm, in the midst of those distractions and annoyances and pains.”
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