New Years Eve 2020 I was in bed and probably asleep by 8:45pm. #partyanimal
I stayed home, skipping the annual New Years Eve party with our friends. I skipped because I have a really big race scheduled for this week and I did not want to risk being exposed (yes, I am one of #thosepeople), and I skipped because I had a really big race scheduled for bright and early New Year's Day.
My 3rd Annual 1st Run of the Year race through Virtual Pace Series.
I've been diligently training for a half and full marathon coming up, so instead of just another long training run this week, I signed up for this race with the goal distance of 20.21 miles.
Happy New Year 2021 girls and boys!
I trained, I watched my nutrition and water intake super close, I made sure I got enough sleep. I fueled well before and during the race... and it went really well. Like surprisingly really well. The kind of "really well" that later in the day makes you wonder if you somehow messed up the math and didn't go the right distance or somehow didn't do something "correct."
But it's also the kind of "really well" that just might come from having well... just having trained really well.
Does this give me a false sense of hope going into my big race this week... #suredoes
The next morning I gave myself a full rest day #whoopwhoop and got up and nestled in with my coffee, blanket, devotions, and my book in front of the fireplace, while the hubs headed to the lakes for some more ice fishing for the second day in a row.
I got a text later from him asking how I was feeling. Oh... like I got run over by a freight train, you know the typical post race #lawdhavemercy #whathaveIdone.
But it made me reflect a little... I had registered for this race as soon as it had opened - it was the 3rd year in a row I'd done this race and had been a little fearful covid would have messed this one up as well, but it opened, I registered, the medal arrived a few weeks ago, it went immediately into the race drawer, and it wasn't until New Years Eve that I dug it all out and got it all ready. (Race day outfits are just as important as race day itself peeps!)
That night I realized that I did not have a Gatorade Recovery Bar (#whatthewhatgirlfriend) in the race drawer and I had never even thought about finding a "perfect" mug to go with this race (#hotmessexpresstimeofyear). Yes, I have some strange inner personal "rules" about weird stuff - and two of them are is that I only allow myself to indulge in a Gatorade Recovery bar and treat myself to a new mug after I have "earned" it by training and completely a half marathon (or greater) distance race.
So, I ran it, didn't have a recovery bar afterward, and drank coffee from my Tired As A Mother Runner mug (which I had "earned" after my 2019 birthday half marathon - just in case you were curious. lol)
I even texted something back in my reply to the hubs stating he should be happy to know I didn't even get myself a new mug after this race. He's kinda ok with this "mug thing" but kinda not. #touchysubject #wellleaveitatthat
A little while later I put the dog out and noticed there was a box that had been delivered on the front step. I gave it a sideways glance and remembered I had bid on (and won) some books from Poshmark last week, and left the box out there.
I closed the door when she came back in and started to clean up and put away the Christmas decorations.
I stopped to touch the little pink Faith bear we have out on a shelf. I carefully put the crystal snowflake ornament with her name on it that we had gotten that year from the funeral home back in it's box. I touched the glittery pink shoes that had made me completely fall apart a few weeks earlier at the local dollar store. They were that one random thing, that unexpected thing, that sends the searing pain of loss deep inside causing the tears to publicly spill as you stand there alone in the aisle wishing with an ache so deep and so strong, that there were really little feet and toes that would slide into these precious little adorable shoes. Yes, I actually let myself buy them, for whatever reason, and put them on the shelf, right next to the beautiful wooden wings ornament sent to me from a dear friend... I decided to leave it all out this year... to see daily, to remember daily.
A little later I put the dog out again (don't even ask, she has bladder issues and is a yorkie with a bladder the size of a pea) and decided I should probably take the box in and attempt to "hide" the books since I totally don't "need" new books and shouldn't have even gotten them because #dugh - library... free and post holiday bank account... empty.
I put the box on the table and thought it didn't really feel like books, but oh well. I tore it open and...
It was most definitely not the books I had ordered from Poshmark. No, this box did not contain books. This box did not contain anything that I had ordered. This box was a gift, a blessing... and a "more than words can express" type gift and blessing at that.
I slowly moved away the crumpled newspaper and found a lantern with a candle inside and the words "Faith - Hope - Love" on it, topped with a bow green bow and butterfly. I then pulled out a glittery Christmas ornament, a card, two bracelets, and ... the most beautiful Stay Strong coffee mug.
I stood there with tears falling down my face, some rouge glitter from the ornament still on my hands, looking at the lamp that had both our babies names on it, holding this ice cold mug with the most perfect message on it... and I knew I hadn't just randomly forgotten to look for a mug for that 20.21 mile race I had just completed.
God already had it all taken care of, via this amazing and completely unexpected blessing from a couple that had also been given the unexpected journey of child loss this summer.
They said hello and goodbye to their little Hope Marie this summer, born with ancephialie. I had been given the gift of getting to walk beside them during part of that journey. It had been incredibly hard, but it had also been exactly what I knew our #journeytofaith had been for... to be able to touch, and see, and feel the incredible pain and loss involved in having to place your precious little baby into the arms of Jesus far sooner than you ever believe you should have had to.
So, I now have the perfect mug to go with my 1st Run of 2021 race.
Stay Strong. Stay strong after surviving 2020. Stay strong entering 2021. Stay strong when all you want to do is give up, walk away, quit, stop, DNF (Did Not Finish in racing terminology).
Stay strong. (And I mustn't forget to mention there are blue butterflies on the back side of the mug. #evenmoreperfect.)
I couldn't have picked out a more perfect saying and meaning had I gone looking for it by myself.
And to the mom, dad and family of little Hope Marie... thank you. I know you have no idea the perfection of the the timing and the specific gifts you sent, but know it was exactly what I was needing, exactly when I was needing it to help me Stay Strong.